“Only one?”she asked and he nodded.
“There is only one detail of import that I have not confessed to you.”He gestured.“Will you walk in the garden with me?”
Leila nodded and preceded him, her quick pace making him wonder if she wanted to see his impulse set to rest and forgotten.They reached the garden and the air was sweet with the scent of ripening fruit.The rain was more like a mist, though Leila did not seem to mind.They walked toward the finished dovecote, and the cooing of the birds within could be heard.
She did not prompt him, which Fergus refused to take as a bad sign.“You said your uncle invited you back to Jerusalem,” he said.
“Aye.”
“And you called ithome.”
She glanced up at him, then averted her gaze.
“I had hoped that Killairic might become your home.”
“Did you?”her voice was as soft as a whisper, but he heard the tremor in her words.
“If returning to Jerusalem is your desire, I will not impede your departure, not with the escort of this man you clearly know.”Fergus lowered his voice.“Though I offered before to take you there.”
“You could not truly have meant it, though it was kindly offered,” she said.“You were betrothed to Isobel then.”
“Who showed the worth of her pledge clearly enough.”Fergus pushed a hand through his hair and frowned.“You trust this man?”
“Karayan is a Rum who has served my uncle for as long as I can remember.He is a servant but has lived with the family so long that he might be part of it.”
“Ah!The one who Iain reminded you of,” Fergus guessed and she nodded.
“He is a good man, a loyal man, and if I journeyed with him, he would defend me with his life.”
“And will you?”
“I am not certain.”
“You must miss your cousin.”
“I do.”Leila smiled sadly.“I would like to eat olives and figs again.I would like to see my cousin’s son.I would love to sit with Aziza and talk, about everything and nothing.”She fell silent and frowned.
“But?”
“But once there, I will miss here.I love the bounty of Scotland, and the beauty of Killairic.I like the mist in the wind and the brilliant green of the hills.I would miss the view from the solar window if I could not open a shutter and see it again.”She raised a hand.“I would miss this garden, and the smithy, and the chance to see my pigeons raise their chicks.”
“But you cannot have both.”
She shook her head and a tear loosed itself.It fell sparkling and was lost on the ground.“Nay.And in the absence of the one thing that would make either place a home, I am compelled to choose, though neither place will suffice.”
“What one thing?”
She looked up at him, her eyes glowing.“There is only one thing that makes any place a home, Fergus.Killairic is your home because you love it so, because you love your father, because it has claimed a piece of your heart.”
“And Jerusalem is not thus for you?”
She shook her head.“It does not hold my heart.”She swallowed.“No one there does, and I know that no one there ever will.”
“How can you know such a thing?Can you see the future?”
Leila laughed a little, making a sound beneath her breath.“I do not need to see the future to know that my heart is already claimed, that it has been claimed for a long time.The question is what do I do since my regard is not returned?Do I stay in one place, with the person who holds my heart but does not love me?Or do I return to another place, only to be denied even a glimpse of him?Which is kinder?Which is crueler?”
Who was the person?Fergus wanted to know but could not bring himself to ask.Surely not Murdoch?“Which will make you happy?”he asked instead.
