I glanced at my pink-sleeved arms and felt the itch in my skin. After my dad and stepmom fought about me and my school, I found it made my life better if I pretended like everything was ok. They weren’tmind readers; they didn’t realize the difference. On the outside, I was perfect Aemilia. But all I’d done was channel my pain into physical instead of mental. It took years to stop cutting my arms.
But, with help, I was back to focusing on the mind and in a better healthier way.
“Will she be visiting you?” I cleared my throat and took a bite. Kate’s expression dropped before her head barely shook.
“She died.”
“I’m so sorry,” I squeaked through the burning sensation in my throat. She lost her love and her safe person at the same time. Poor Kate. I opened my mouth to say something, to comfort her, but I closed it each time.
There wasn’t anything to say. Kate lost someone who meant the world to her. There were no promises to make to soothe that. Maybe she’d meet another or find passion in something else. But that was her choice to make, and my words were only a Band-Aid in this moment.
She turned on the TV for sound and took two more bites before lying down to rest. Traumatic events like losing her love were exhausting to talk about. The mind and body processed the memory as if it happened all over again.
That’s the thing about grief. The feelings didn’t go away, we just hopefully got better at coping.
I waited until I heard little snores before taking her vitals and taking a break. I needed some air after that conversation. I grabbed an iced coffee and walked to the small garden with two picnic tables.
“I’m grateful to be alive.” I sipped the cool drink and took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds, then released. Over and over until my thoughts cleared enough to process my feelings.
I couldn’t imagine the depth of Kate’s emotions after losing her girlfriend. To have that closeness, that bond in a person who you could be your absolute worst and best with. I’d be hard pressed to live too.
“You could have that,” I countered my thoughts aloud. An image of Vincent shot through my mind, and I sighed.
“I do have that with him. He is my safe place.” I took another breath. “But he’s married, and you haven’t told him your new Hero Society promotion yet.” I continued to talk to myself, and I didn’t care if anyone heard me. Sometimes I processed better when I heard the words, not just thought them.
“But what if?” I sighed again, my hands fidgeting with the hem of my sleeves as I thought about telling Vincent everything. I knew he wouldn’t reject me. He’d accept me as a Hero Society person, without thought. But if I told him I thought about him constantly and have for the past year… Well, I didn’t know how that would go.
What if he wanted an affair? Could I do that to his wife? I instantly shook my head with the thought. I knew she wasn’t kind, but two wrongs didn’t make a right.
“Hey, E.” Vincent called my name from the hospital door with two white takeout bags in his hands.
“Don’t be a chicken, Emily. Just tell him everything. He’s your safe place.”
Chapter Fifteen
Vincent
The nurses said Emily stepped outside for a break, which was perfect timing since I brought food from the taco truck she liked.
As I stepped into the small picnic area, I noticed her mouth moving with a pinched face. She was giving herself a talking-to. I recognized the look since I’d given myself one before jumping to this time. Phillip kept me busy once I got back from the zoo incident, and I stayed far away from Chasity by sleeping at the hero apartment. I didn’t know what future was in store for Emily and me, but I didn’t want the life I created in 2032, outside of the Hero Society.
“Hey, E!” I announced my approach and saw her mutter something to herself as I neared.
“Hey, I was just thinking about you.” She smiled as I sat on the opposite side of the table and plopped the food between us.
“Oh, you know me so well.” She groaned and dug through the bags to get her food. Garlic beef quesadilla. She wiggled in her seat as she opened the takeout box.
“Hard day at work?” I asked as I pulled out my three chorizo tacos. Even in my time, this taco truck was a huge hit. They went on to expand into a storefront and were never slow. Emily took a bite and I stifled the laugh as she got the garlic beef juice on her face. Unlike the ketchup the other night, I reached out to swipe the little droplets off her cheek and brought my thumb to my lips for a taste. Her mouth parted and those green eyes lit like the forest after a rainstorm.
“Thanks,” she whispered, the sound barely audible. I waited for her to answer the question, and after another minute, she did.
“Yes and no. I love what I do, but sometimes they say something that smacks me in the head. Like today. The patient lost their person. The one who they loved most and was their safe person. They could be chaotic, and sad, and happy, and a mess, and their person loved them for it.” She took another bite as her eyes glazed over like she tried to picture it, then shook her head before continuing.
“I just can’t imagine the pain of losing someone like that. I’m not sure I’d recover, you know?” I didn’t move because I didn’t know. The closest person I had to that was her. I understood what she meant by those words smacking her in the head since they did the same to me.
We had friends. She had Selene, and I had Phillip, but even as close as we were, it wasn’t like the bond she mentioned.
“I don’t know what I’d do,” I answered honestly, because right now I had a thought that went against all my rules. If I had a person like that with love and a safe place in one body… I closed my eyes as pain ripped into my chest. I’d steal, I’d cheat, I’d kill, I’d change time for that person. And that wasn’t the person I wanted to be.
