“Yes, the label and I are taking every precaution we can. So far, it’s been working out flawlessly, and I’ve yet to have another attack.” My words were to the point and hopefully ended the topic.
“I’m glad safety is a priority, but we have to know . . . your fans want to know. Resources have found the name of your bodyguard—and there are quite the few theories floating on social media—that your bodyguard Maddox, istheMaddie from ‘All I Have Left.’ Can you confirm this theory?”
I knew it would have eventually come up sooner or later in the coming months, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of hearing my backstory with Maddox. I loved my fans, but some things needed to stay private, and this was one of those things.
“He’s not the Maddie I wrote the song about.” My face held no doubt because I wasn’t lying. I’d written that song about the old Maddie I knew, not the Maddox I knew now. I didn’t even know this new version very well, but everything I’d learned so far, I could admit I wasn’t afraid of.
“Oh, well, that’s unfortunate. So many of your fans—me included—were hoping Maddie and you had made up. The names are similar but the Maddie from the song still remains a mystery.” She reached over to take a sip of water, and I inhaled a deep breath. Only ten more minutes on this show, then I’d take the night off to have some fun.
“You know you can’t believe everything on social media these days. Such a hard platform, but you’ve seemed to have it figured out, between your fun videos about the little tidbits of your life and music. Your fans love that you are involved with them online unlike some celebrities. But there has been some criticism drawn in your social presence.”
Crap. Here is the reason they wanted me on this show. They wanted drama to use against me. I didn’t hold back, and when it came to what would be flowing out of Bri’s mouth, I had no choice but to stand my ground.
“Yes, when you are dealing with so many people of different backgrounds, beliefs, and opinions, there are bound to be some issues. I think the majority of my fans took the exchange as a learning experience. Uncomfortable, yes, but changing what you know is always uncomfortable at first.” I really wanted her to leave this topic alone.
“Uncomfortable? There were quite a few polls done that showed your popularity decreased with the moderate white demographic. I think more than a few people may not have been OK with your viewpoints. Many of your fans bullied others, and you did nothing to stop it.” She leaned in closer to draw the serious tone home, but I wasn’t buying it. She was baiting me, clear and simple.
“I asked a question to my women of color, about a storyline for a song about a white male and black female. I valued the thoughts shared very much. There was nothing for me to say about the situation.” I smiled and her eyes narrowed with my calm demeanor.
“I think we are going to have to disagree with you. Many people gave their opinions—devoted fans of all races—and yet they were bombarded with vicious comments for simply having an opinion. Many of the fans said they felt upset for being attacked. We atSunny News Texas AMbelieve all opinions matter, regardless of race, and they should not have been attacked for saying so.”
This bitch. She didn’t know better and didn’t really care to open her worldly view. Privilege came in all different packages, and while you couldn’t exactly fault a person for having privilege, our world would be such a better place if people placed themselves in others’ shoes.
“While I can see what you are saying, I had specifically asked my women of color fans a question. Now I value the opinions of all my fans. However, this question was for a certain demographic. Now if I had asked a question to my redheaded fans, and blonde and brunettes answered, there would have not been any outrage. Many gave their opinions, and because of that, the people I’d directed the question at were pushed down and not given a chance to be seen. I had to sort through hundreds of comments to get to the answers I had asked for. No one was attacked, because I do not allow that sort of thing attached to my name. They were politely enlightened. If enlightenment feels like being attacked, then the individual needs to be a little more flexible and look at why they felt that way. Our world is changing for the better. We aren’t putting up with the injustices that have kept people silenced for generations. But with all change comes a little resistance. I have hope, though.” I spoke my truth on the situation and there were a few claps from the audience which Bri shockingly watched.
Many people in this world still assume their way is the right way. Just because an individual has a certain belief doesn’t mean everyone thinks the same. There are still many incidents of racism, misogyny, and xenophobia running rampart in this world. We need to listen to our fellow humans and not exert our will onto others just because it’s not about our beliefs. I’ve gotten flack for a song on theBlack Eyed-Susanalbum because it was directed toward black women and not everyone else. I simply replied to all the outrage that in the six albums I’d released, one song was made specifically for women like me and the struggles particular to a black woman in the modern world. My white moderate women fans were outraged because something wasn’t about them for once and flooded the single with massive one-star reviews and thumbs-down on social media sites. One song. I gave my black sisters one song and received so much hate because it wasn’t about everyone.
“Well, we are definitely flexible here on our show, that’s why we appreciate all the opinions brought forward to us. We’ve yet to have any incidents of racism or sexism and we are proud to be a champion of justice for everyone by bringing our viewers the truth.”
She missed my point completely. Usually when a world view is challenged within a person, that person either expands his or her knowledge and learns, or he or she gets defensive. Right now she felt the need to point out the company isn’t racist or sexist or whatever the sensitive topic is to make themselves feel better.
“I’m glad, Bri. We need more people in this world who are open to changing the way things are, and building new opportunities for growth within ourselves and for each other.” Two more minutes and I’d be done with this God-awful channel.
“That is one of my favorite traits about you Hazel Kennedy. You’re constantly opening doors for people of color and being a warrior for those who need someone to look up to.” Bri glanced everywhere but at me. She wanted this interview finished just as much as I did, probably so she could go on social media and confirm she isn’t a racist, and I got too heated on her show.
“I’m not opening doors for people of color. I’m just unlocking them.”
Chapter Sixteen
Hazel
“I’m never going back on that show. Shayla, what were you guys thinking?” I paced back and forth in the hotel room, needing to vent to my amazing/not-so-amazing-right-now agent.
“That interview was the best thing for you. You’ve not only rallied your current fans behind you, where they have renewed inspiration to keep going, you got yourself in front of a new fanbase who may not have seen you talk before but will remember you now. Sometimes you gotta go get down in the dirt to help the flowers grow. Listen, you did good, girl. Take the night to have some fun before you fly back home tomorrow. I’ll talk to you soon. Write another badass album, will ya?” She hung up, and I wanted to scream into a pillow.
“Let’s go.” Maddox walked into the room and tossed me a jacket.
“Where are we going?” I wanted to sulk and be pissy right now. I didn’t want to go anywhere.
“Out.” He stood in the doorway without a smirk or hint as to what this adventure would entail.
“And if I want to sit here?” I lifted my chin defiantly, a reaction I seemed to be doing a lot around him. My uneasiness around him hadn’t dissipated completely.
“I’ll carry you out. What happened today was shitty. I’m angry that people still don’t get it. That you had to keep your emotions reigned while her fragility caused her to get defensive. But right now, let’s go live in this moment. Gotta take care of yourself, Hazel, or you’ll burn out.”
“Stop being sweet. It’s weird.” Me and my fucking mouth. It wasn’t weird. His words coated me like a warm blanket. I felt safe and understood. I’d been doing a lot recently between interviews and photoshoots, writing music and performing. I did get some downtime when Maddox first arrived, but I didn’t relax. Now he’d only been with me for a little over two weeks, and I’m not positive how I’d feel without him.
He didn’t say a word, or move, he simply stood there waiting patiently for me to get my ass in gear. I tossed my hands in the air for true dramatic flair. “Fine, but I’m changing.” I heard a chuckle after he left and shut the door behind him. His words rang true in my head. Self-care wasn’t only about yoga, taking naps, or eating healthy. Self-care also meant refilling your energy vault inside you by doing things that brought you joy. Those things are different for every person. Shayla loved reading and watching movies. Some may think it was a waste of time, but after she read a book or watched a movie where she immersed herself in another world, she had refilled her soul to take on life’s problems. I liked dancing, getting caught up in music, and dressing up. Some may think it silly, but once I put on a nice dress and shook my hips, my mindset became renewed.
