Chapter Fifty-Two
Mia
It was surprising how two tropical places on Earth could be so different.
I’d heard many people who hadn’t been away from Florida say that, once you’d seen a beach, then you’d seen all of them. But it simply wasn’t true.
There was a different vibe in the air, the feeling of being somewhere unfamiliar yet still something you knew.
After that night of seeing Logan with another woman, I’d stayed at my parents’ house for three days. I cried, and I probably gained ten pounds from my mother’s cooking. Logan called, Callum called, Tate called, and even Jay called for more than just business.
I didn’t talk to anyone.
Once I calmed myself down, I took a walk around the block, breathing deeply, and rattling off things in my life that were going right.
I didn’t know what had truly happened with Logan. It could have been exactly what I thought, or it could have been my own insecurities rearing their ugly butts.
Logan tried calling multiple times after that night, but I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. I would eventually. I would hear his side of things, listen to him before passing judgment.
But I felt like I needed some space.
I needed to save myself this time.
So, if in fact it was all one big misunderstanding and Logan was ready to fight for us again, I would love myself enough to give some of that love back to him. He couldn’t always be there to save me from my mind, from those dark places that waited for me to slip into one day so that they could take hold of me.
I couldn’t be with him because I needed him. I had to want him, not rely on him for my sanity.
Maybe that beauty I’d been waiting for would come out of the ashes of us, but maybe what was truly more important was that I became the beauty that rose instead.
So, I left.
I hopped on my plane and flew to Hawaii for two weeks.
Every day, I focused on myself, loving myself, and become my own superhero.
I tried surfing and failed horribly, but I still gave it a shot at trying something new. I toured an island that I’d never truly seen but boasted as one of the most beautiful settings of all my hotels.
Every day, I did yoga on the beach. I breathed in the Pacific sea breeze and thanked God for my life. That I could do this and have this freedom when so many did not have the same opportunities.
I’d found myself further and fallen more in love with myself every day.
So, when I returned home, I finally felt okay to meet with Logan, as he’d been requesting to do.
I was ready for whatever happened, whether Logan and I would make up or I’d be on my own again. I was at peace with either decision.
But I knew what I wanted, what my heart wanted.
I wanted to hear that the blonde was nobody, that Logan hadn’t slept with her. That he missed me, that he loved me, and that he wanted to live this glorious life with me.
Doing crazy shit that made my heart burst from fear, like jumping off hotels or sitting naked at his house, playing chess.
Feeling the need to calm my mind and put this nervous energy to good use, I grabbed some of the painting gear I’d bought and brought the travel sizes out to the beach to paint.
The brushes moved, soothing my anxious mind of seeing Logan for the first time in weeks.
I’d texted him where I’d be, and it wasn’t long before I heard the steps on the gazebo path. The brush in my hand shook slightly, a tremor rolling down my body. Fear and excitement, all filling me at the same moment.
I was scared to look at him, scared of the thoughts that would follow looking into those eyes.
