Chapter Forty-Eight
Mia
Logan had fallen into a pit of despair, drinking his way through the minutes of the clicking clock on the wall. He hadn’t come down after my little chat with him, nor did he leave the room the next morning when his friends and I made him breakfast.
“Was he like this when he got divorced?”
Both of them shook their heads.
Tate lifted some orange juice to his mouth, looking up in the direction of the room where Logan was passed out.
“He’s gone somewhere deep in his mind, and feelings he’s probably repressed about his past and parents are flooding him like they happened yesterday,” Callum encouragingly gave his thoughts.
I remembered Logan saying the same things once to me. He was in a dark place, and I had to be the beacon that reminded him that the light still shone in the night sky.
I’d lose my voice, trying to reach him inside that head if I had to.
“He’ll come around,” I voiced my positive thought, trying to manifest it into reality.
Both men nodded, but it wasn’t a confident type of nod. This time was different, and they both weren’t sure what to do to help the situation.
“Okay, well, let’s go get him up and showered. I’m sure he has stuff to do, decisions to make. He’s not gonna sit there and waste the day away.”
He never let me sit and wallow. Even when I’d felt like giving up, when I had been falling down the depression black hole.
“He is up, and despite the headache raging on, he remembers that he told you to leave. You’re not wanted here.” Logan stumbled on the last step, his hand on his head trying to alleviate the pressure.
“He is hurting and needs us more than ever,” I countered, which earned me a narrowed glare.
It was better than the emptiness that lingered in the air behind him.
“Goddamn it, Mia. Get the fuck out of my house. I don’t know how else to prove to you that we are over. You lit up on my cock and smiled your way to happiness. Good for you. Falling for me was your mistake, one I told you about. I’ve got shit to handle here and a life to get back to.”
A life without me in it—words he’d left off.
I couldn’t say they didn’t sting. That his words and harsh voice didn’t punch me in the gut like he’d physically hit me.
But I saw what he was doing for what it was. He was afraid and trying to push me away for his own good.
Tears threatened to break free, to stream down my cheeks like a river of heartbreak. But I held them back, the choking feeling in my throat making it difficult to speak.
“I love you, Logan.”
I would go. I would let him sort this out with his two friends there to make sure he didn’t get into trouble.
But I wasn’t going away for good. He could be an ass all he wanted right now. I had been married to one for years. I could handle this amazing man in a devil’s mask, spewing hurt at me until he got it all out.
I just had to stick it out, be there for him when he thought I’d leave. The smoke would settle from this fire, and beauty would come out of the ashes.
“I’ll be at the hotel. Call if you need me.” I grabbed my purse and walked out into the dry summer air of Utah.
My rental car was waiting for me in the driveway, and I followed the GPS back to my hotel.
Not wanting to let Logan’s hurtful words sink lower inside me than they had, I threw myself into work. Jay had forwarded me all my missed messages, and I worked from this location as my home base instead of the Tampa one. Of course, my Utah team was helpful and loved having me. It was nice to see what all was happening here earlier than my trip planned in October.
But, once the work was done and the hours dwindled past four in the morning, all I’d heard of Logan was Callum’s text that he was drunk but okay. I hadn’t managed to sleep one bit, and my own insecurities started to dig at my thoughts. Maybe I wasn’t what Logan needed. I was still working on myself after all. I was no therapist or healer of the mind. I had the teachings Logan had given me, and I’d try my hardest to use them. But what if I wasn’t good enough in the end?
“Stop it.” I gritted my teeth and turned over on the mattress.
