Chapter Thirty-Four
Logan
“I don’t know what I’m going to do now,” Mom said sadly, tears still clinging to her eyelashes as she looked around the room.
All the family was here, gathered to say their good-byes to my dad and give their condolences to us. The family that I remembered, like my uncle and cousins, hugged me and wished I would visit more.
I gave them a silent nod, not really saying I would or not.
Being here, around everyone from my past, was hard. Mom was so silent and distant. She barely talked to me, as if, now that Dad was gone, she didn’t care about anyone or anything. I’d stay until I felt okay as a psychologist that she was fine to go on about her life and not do something stupid like chase Dad into the afterlife.
I might have tried to leave their toxic behavior in the dust, but things had changed, and I wasn’t a heartless bastard that I would let my mom waste away when I could do something about it.
“You can do anything you want.”
It was true. She really could. Dad had left her money from his insurance policy. Not a lot, but enough that she could pay off their debts and live for a while. Adjust to her life without him.
He hadn’t left anything to me, not that I’d expected that. He was now in the ground, and that was that. I was only still here instead of hightailing it back to Florida to help the woman who’d birthed me. The other family members had done nothing as both of my parents neglected and fought me. They could screw themselves. I didn’t need to fix their lives right now.
“I hate that you’re always trying to improve me.”
You and me both, Mom. But I just couldn’t stop trying. I could put it on hold for a while, but deep down, I wanted to make mom and dad better. Always had.
“I’m all you’ve got now. I’ll stay to make sure you don’t do something stupid, and then I’ll go away. You can forget about me if you want. But I’ll still be there if you need me.”
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
She was thinking the same thing, too.
I would have to let this all go and forgive them and myself for these actions, that I was regretting already.
“The point is, Mom, I don’t owe you anything. Or Dad. Regardless, I’m here now. Let me help you get situated.”
She brushed the tears off her cheeks and looked away from me. Unwilling and stubborn.
Fine. For now, she could grieve.
Needing space and a moment to clear my head, I walked outside. The night had fallen, pushing away the sun, and the moon was bright. One of my favorite times to be outside.
I missed home. I missed the humidity soaking into my skin and the smell of the ocean breeze as it cooled me off.
Don’t get me wrong; I loved vacations and adventures. But this was neither. I wanted my bed instead of the hotel bed I was currently staying in, refusing to sleep in my parents’ house.
I wanted to be around my people. Tate, Callum, Tink, and if I was being completely honest, Mia.
Her smile, her laugh, the way she wanted so hard to be free and was on her way to doing so. She was fun to be around, and I liked that. There was a level of comfort between us. I hadn’t thought we’d actually become friends of sorts when I said we’d be besties for the six weeks, but now, I was feeling different. She didn’t know anything about me, not like the rest of my friends did. But that was okay. If she asked, I would tell her things. I was always honest and didn’t hide myself.
The air here was dry, and while the scenery was pretty, I wanted home.
“Logan, get in here. We were just telling that story about the tree house!” My uncle saw me and waved me over.
I let that deep breath of Utah air settle as I walked back inside the house of mourners.
By the time everyone left and I was sure Mom wasn’t going to do anything stupid, I hopped in my rental car and drove to my hotel. My mind was tired, as were my emotions. I didn’t like large crowds, and I didn’t like talking to people who had no interest in what I was actually saying. Speaking without purpose was a waste of breath.
Needing an outlet for my emotions, I decided I’d do some meditation after taking a shower. It was better than nothing, and I needed something to remove the shit that was clogging up my head.
My thoughts drifted to Mia. She’d still be at that gala—and hopefully alone. My tightening body didn’t like the idea of someone else drawing out her smiles like I did. She’d sent me pics of her day date with herself, getting her toes done and her hair. She had taken herself out for a light lunch and read parts of a book. Her little texts had been the only things that kept me going today, preventing me from punching someone and finding the first flight out of here. She was proof that you could work and come back from being lost. As were all my clients.
