Chapter Twenty-Six
Mia
It really shouldn’t have surprised me. I didn’t know why I felt so shocked that Logan had won my whole family over so entirely that everyone had forgotten that I was even there. Logan stole the show. Not that I had been expecting alot of hoots and hollers for me actually making the time to come to a dinner. Something I’d been avoiding for a few months in my state. But, within thirty minutes of being at my parents, I’d been moved out of the way more times than I could count, so they could get closer to my life coach and listen to his many stories.
No biggie. I just plopped my ass down by the little kids table and had fake tea with the small folk.
At least they were happy to see me.
Mom, Dad, Gia, and everyone else were completely enamored by the outsider.
“Aunt Mia, your boobs look big. Do you have a baby in your belly like Mommy did with Reese? Her boobies were like as big as my head when her belly got fat with a baby.”
“Mom! Candace said boobs!”
“Boobies, boobies, boobies. Mom said there is nothing bad about the word. They are a natural part of our bodies. Even boys have boobs.”
“Aunt Mia’s gonna have a baby fall out of her butt.”
“I thought babies came from Mommy’s belly button.”
Oh dear Lord, I surrender. Someone save me!
Where was Logan’s crazy mind-reading skills when I needed him to rescue me from the children with no filter?
“I’ll be back.” I stood up and ran as fast as I could to the back porch where I could clear my thoughts and get some fresh air.
The soft summer breeze was calming as I breathed it in. Hints of jasmine tickled my nose from my mother’s garden. They had a decent-sized house, nothing too large or crazy. They lived in a great neighborhood where kids still played in the streets and stayed out until sundown before coming home for dinner. Coming here always used to help me feel connected to myself, to my past. Someone I’d forgotten until stepping through the front door to the scent of Nonna’s red sauce with the secret ingredients that she was determined to take to the grave. Unless you asked her nicely. No one kept secrets. They were open and honest, even when it was hard to hear. Everyone, even your third cousin who you never spoke to, would drop everything to help you if you asked.
I needed this. That feeling of home and belonging. To know that, even though Logan was a shiny toy my family was playing with right now, I loved them. They were proud of me, and they would do anything for me. I wanted to do better by them. If the price to pay for that love was Sunday dinners, having my cheeks pinched and my belly stuffed full of food, then I could deal.
“I like your life coach.” Gia joined me outside. She was looking beautiful in a blue maxi dress and her hair up in a bun.
“He’s been great. I’m really starting to find my way because of him.” I smiled at her, a true smile that was so different than the last one I had given her at the dinner she’d brought me only a week and change ago.
“I can see a lightness in you. You seem happier. And I like that you came instead of finding some reason to blow us off, like you’d been.”
Guilt clutched my chest. I felt awful for having done that, but I couldn’t go back now. I could only go forward and make it right.
“Me, too. I’ve missed this. Although I don’t know if they will let me back without Logan in the future,” I teased.
Gia looked at me with narrowed eyes. Probably seeing much more than I wanted her to. Apparently, I was just an open book to everyone.
“Youlike him, like him.”
“It won’t work between us,” I admitted since there was no denying I had a thing for my life coach. It was obvious. Especially after every time one of my cousins got a little too close to him, I either walked away or told Logan embarrassing stories about them. They’d get off him all on their own after that.
“Why does it have to be about permanence? Can’t you just have consensual adult time with someone, and when your time together is done, you part ways?”
I didn’t know the answer to that question. I was sure some people could, and they were very happy with that. But I wasn’t sure if I was one of those people.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone for a short time and then letting them go. Less complicated.”
“I don’t know, Gia. He’s something special. If we crossed that line, I don’t know if I could let him go in the end.” Honest truth there, but it also made me feel like, at some point, Logan’s caring and investment in my happiness would die down. Probably after his paid time.
He was spoiling me with his attention and desire for me to be a better me.
“Think about it. He might set the bar high, so when you get married again, you won’t settle for anything less than being taken care of as much as he takes care of you.”
