Chapter Thirteen
Logan
Mia was quite flushed when I casually walked into her office. Jay had also been acting a bit different since the last time I was in here.
“Logan. Please sit in the principal’s chair.” She smiled and gestured for me to sit across the table.
Gotta admit, she was hot behind the desk. Had teacher vibes written all over her today. Hair in a messy bun, I bet she had a tight black pencil skirt under that desk that accented the sleeveless blue button-up blouse. She would be wearing knockout heels to complement the outfit, I was sure.
“Thanks. I’m going to hang out with you today for a bit—kinda shadow you around, if you will. We can also chat as much as you want or need. I am here for you, and I think today would be a good day to check out your daily life.”
All part of the process.
“Great. I don’t really have much to do today. There’s a wedding tonight in the Lily Ballroom, so I will be looking over everything to make sure it’s good and then back to computer work. But there are a few things I’d like to talk about.”
I sat up in my chair, eagerly waiting to hear what topic she wanted to discuss. So far, our conversations had been brought up by me. This one was being initiated by her, so trust between us must be growing. Excellent.
The fingers on her right hand started playing with a pen, tapping it against a notepad on her desk. A clear indication she was nervous or didn’t want to bring up this subject.
Come on, Mia. Be brave and talk to me.
I waited quietly, not pressuring her to come out with it since that would do nothing to help her. She had to do this on her own.
“I think I have some issues about my ex, and I’m wondering if you could do your little life coach magic and make me get over him. Everything so far has opened my eyes and made me aware of myself in little ways. I’ve noticed he comes up in my thoughts a lot, and there are not good emotions with him. And I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I think he really messed me up more than I suspected he had.”
She was always in control and moving on. Accomplishing the next big thing while completely ignoring her feelings. No doubt she had issues that she’d been putting off or was in denial about since they split.
She waited for me to say something, like I could wave my magical hands and she’d be cured of whatever pain she held inside herself. She wasn’t ready for this step, but I’d give it to her straight nonetheless. Her eyes were watching me with complete attention, looking for a smile or anything that would hint as to what I was going to say.
“That’s a simple fix.”
A smile grew on her lips, and I felt bad for what I was going to state next. Undoubtedly, those upturned corners would fall in the opposite direction.
“What do I have to do?”
“Forgive him.”
I was right. That smile turned upside down, and her eyebrows pinched as she tried to piece together what I’d said and if I’d truly said what she thought I did.
“I’m confused.”
“You want to feel better and not have those emotions tied to him? Then, you need to forgive him and let him go. I don’t think you’re ready for this step, and that’s okay. One day, you will be, and you’ll be so much better. But forgiveness can’t be rushed. It comes when you realize that you don’t need that pain anymore. You’ll forgive him, and it’ll be like you shed a dead part of yourself off. Wounds don’t heal until you stop touching them. Same goes for mental wounds.”
She did not like my answer. That was clear in the frown and deadpan look her eyes were giving me.
“So, I just let it all go? That’s it? The key to my happiness is letting go of the bad shit?”
I nodded. It was really that simple for one aspect of life. Letting shit go, moving on.
“Right now, you have to see yourself like a caterpillar in a cocoon. You’re growing, you’re learning, you’re figuring your shit out. When you’re ready, you’ll push past your barriers, and you’ll become the butterfly of your dreams.
“Or, if you prefer a non-inspirational way of thinking, you’re stuck in the mud, and you can’t get out. Best thing to do while you’re there is make mud masks or mud angels and enjoy the moment for what it is. Be in it; bask in it. Because it will end, and if you don’t feel all the emotions, if you don’t try to grow, then when it’s over, you’ll have learned nothing. This is your mud bath, Mia. Whatever you’re feeling, actually feel it. Don’t just ignore and push on. Feel the pain; feel the hurt that you didn’t let yourself fully embrace. Then, one day, you’ll be able to move on. You’ll be free.”
I really hoped my long-winded words of encouragement hit her somewhere inside, that she could see the truth in my words and would be patient. Healing took time, even as much as everyone hated that. It was one of the reasons so many people in our world walked around with heavy weights of the past on their shoulders; they didn’t want to heal or take the time to heal. It was much easier to hold on to pain than it was to face it and let it go.
“You say I’m not ready, but what if I am? How do I forgive him?”
She wanted to push on and do this even though I could tell she wasn’t there. She could try, but it wouldn’t work until she truly felt it.
