“I’ll go get her for you.” Phillip stood and winked at me before walking out to fetch the girl for me.
Hopefully I didn’t make her cry like earlier.
Chapter Forty-Four
Gwendolyn
I wasn’t sure I could do it again—be in that room with him. Every insecurity, every symptom in the Asperger’s syndrome, was on full blast. Arthur had pursued me, with love burning in his heart. I wanted to do the same. If he didn’t remember me then I would try to make him fall for me again. But the Arthur that woke up was the Arthur before the big battle—before he shed his past and became the hero. So much had changed in him since then, and this Arthur would probably not want a woman like me. Too many complications.
Still, I knocked on the door to signal I was there.
“Phillip said you wanted me to come.”
He looked the same, and it hurt so much to see him awake and alert and not be able to run into his arms.
“Yeah. Uh. Sorry about earlier. This whole thing is confusing the shit out of me.” He ran a hand through his hair, and I wished I knew if that meant he was nervous or uncomfortable, or if it meant anything at all. Pops and Cora stayed behind with Phillip. We both agreed that they would have probably freaked him out more, seeing them, but I wished I had their support right now.
I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded. My hand went to my pocket and started playing with the screw in my sweater.
The room felt awkward, and I knew it was my fault. I should be able to talk to him, to open up and tell him all my thoughts. But I couldn’t. Everything I wanted to say kept getting stuck in my throat.
“Phillip tells me that you put humpty dumpty back together again.” His smile started to appear, and I felt my knees wobble slightly.
I didn’t initially realize what he meant, but connecting the dots from the old nursery rhyme to his situation, I guess he meant that he was humpty dumpty in this scenario.
“I couldn’t let you die.” And I didn’t.
“Right. Well, thank you for that.”
Again, we fell silent, and I couldn’t decide which I wanted more: to run out of the room and away from the awkward quiet, or run over to him and kiss the memories back into his mind. It worked in the fairy-tale movies that Emily liked to watch at home…maybe true love’s kiss would bring back his memories.
My feet started to move toward him, my focus on him and his lips, praying this worked, and that magic was real.
“I’m sorry I don’t remember you.” He looked sincere as I sat on his bed, and that look made my bravado fizzle. He would think I was a crazy woman if I just leaned in to connect his lips with mine. I’d be kicked out of the hospital for harassing him, and then it would be over.
“I’m sorry, too. It’s probably better this way. I’m a hot mess to deal with.”
This was it. The moment I realized that this was the best and easiest choice for him. I had Emily, and a new life that I was still adjusting to. There was no way I could try to win his heart again while dealing with my own issues. It would be too much for him, and I’d lose him all over again.
Taking a chance, my breath stuck in my chest, I gripped his hand then leaned over and lightly touched my lips to his forehead in goodbye.
I felt my heart reaching out for his, speaking their love language desperately. But there was nothing but silence from the man beneath me.
“Goodbye, Arthur.”
I pulled back to look at his face one more time. Feeling so much love and sadness curling inside my chest. This was the right move. To let him go, so he can have a normal, easy life.
He was looking at me with sorrow in his eyes, maybe he wished he could remember me, maybe he was happy I was leaving. I’d never know now. It was the right decision. My lips tried to lift into a smile, that it was okay to part ways. That I wanted this. But the most I could do was an almost smile.
My fingers let go of his as I turned to leave.
But his grip tightened, and I was stuck.
My gaze swung back to him, to see him staring at me with a blank expression on his face. But he wasn’t letting me go.
“Arthur?”
His mouth parted and then his hand pulled me closer. What was happening?
