“No family? Just being the famous doctor until you retire?” I knew I was pressing my luck with him, but I wasn’t stopping.
“Family makes you weak. I’m never weak,” he replied, and those words were harsher than the ones before. He was done. So instead of interrogating him, I talked about my dreams.
“I always dreamed of being a nurse part-time while raising kids with the love of my life. Loving strong. Maybe having a dog or pet. A decent house, not too large because then I would have to clean a big house. But we’d be happy no matter the size of the house, or the jobs we had, as long as we had each other.” I smiled, thinking about that future, and hoped it could still happen for me. But I knew it wouldn’t. Not just because of who I was falling for, but because I didn’t want to die, leaving grief in my family. I’d seen what it did to people, and I couldn’t do that to those who loved me.
Dorian didn’t say anything for the rest of the drive to my apartment.
He parked in front of the building and got out to grab my bag.
“I’ll see you at work,” I said and reached up to kiss his lips briefly before turning to go inside.
Finally, I was alone.
I unpacked my bag and threw the clothes in the hamper, then made some tea.
With my steaming cup in hand, I settled on my bed and looked out the window to the cityscape before me. It wasn’t a glorious view like many paid millions for, but it was enough for me. It was of the hospital, and the buildings behind it.
Tonight, I’d have to work, and I would see Dorian again.
I thought about what I wanted to do, and how I wanted to act.
The more I thought about it, the more tired I felt. I just wanted to be myself and do what I wanted. Live as I wanted. I lay down and took a short nap before getting ready, going through my routine of covering up my golden vein, slipping into scrubs, and walking over to work with a feeling of peace inside me. I would just be me. No more fretting over guarding my heart. That ship was waving to me as it passed by now anyway. And I really didn’t want to end things. Who knew where they were going, but for now I was going to live my life to make myself happy for as long as I had left.
