Chapter Eighteen
Esme
We had a nice brunch, and surprisingly, Dorian talked to my parents. He wasn’t all silent and serious like usual. He smiled, he joked, and he touched me every chance he could.
I didn’t wanna like it, but I kinda did. I kept telling myself over and over that it wasn’t real, that as soon as we left my parents we would be back to screwing and that was it. No fake relationship. But every time he touched me, and every smile he threw my way, made my heart speed up.
Panic rose inside me as it dawned on me what was happening.
“Excuse me!” I jumped up from the table and all but ran to the bathroom.
I washed my hands and tossed some water on my face while I was at it. When my eyes met my own in the mirror, I saw something I didn’t want to see.
“Don’t you dare start to like him, Esme. He’s bad news, and he doesn’t have a heart to give you.”
Oh God, I wanted his heart?
That couldn’t be right. He was Dorian, asshole extraordinaire! There was nothing to make me fall for him.
Except the touching, and when he brought me expensive dinner, and stayed with me while I slept then carried me to bed, and when he came back to work to check on me after the explosion.
This realization hit me like a punch to the gut. I sat back on the covered toilet and digested all of these feelings. Dorian had been showing me kindness—not with words, but with his actions. His words were as sharp and cold as ever, but he had been taking care of me.
I felt so confused, not knowing what to do.
The tug of war between my mind and my head didn’t stop after I left the bathroom, and in fact only got worse when Dorian leaned in to kiss my cheek when I sat back down at the table.
My eyes met his for a few seconds, and I wished it could be real. That I could let myself fall for him, and he wouldn’t break my heart. Because he would. I don’t think he knew any other way to be. But for that moment, when his brown eyes were staring into mine, I had a new wish.
After brunch, Mom wanted to take a short nap, saying she wasn’t feeling well, and Dad decided to join her. Dorian and I went up to my old room. It was pretty normal as far as bedrooms go. I didn’t have embarrassing teen heartthrob posters everywhere; I was more of a color girl, so my room was just colorful.
“You wanna talk about why you ran away from the table?” Dorian sat down and removed his boots and opened the top button of his shirt. Hello, sexy skin.
I walked over to my cork board of pictures on the wall and looked at the pictures of high school. Good times, old friends, and Eli.
“I’m confused.”
I had been debating whether or not to talk to him about my feelings the whole way up here. I decided I should put it out there, so we could put an end to it before it got worse.
“Confused?” Now he was confused.
I turned around and leaned against the wall, next to those pictures of my past.
“I like you, and I think that after this trip, we should end this when we get home.” There, I said it. His face scrunched up in confusion more. Yeah, join the club.
“You like me?”
I nodded.
“For some stupid reason, my heart beats fast when you’re around. I wish I could control it, but I can’t.”
Oddly, my admission didn’t make me want to be swallowed up by the earth. I’d accepted that I had feelings for Dorian despite the fact that he would most likely never have them for me.
“I’m not the good guy, Esme. I’m not going to change for you.” His words were almost chastising, like I was a child that didn’t know what I was doing.
“I know.”
I held my ground, I didn’t expect him to be someone other than who he was.
