Chapter Eight
Esme
I was grumpier than ever the next day at work, so much so that Melissa Ann felt the need to corner me in the bathroom and make me talk.
“Girl. I’m done being around your pissy self. I’m the pregnant hormonal woman; you need to relax yourself before I get all riled up with you,” she huffed, checking the stalls to be sure there was no one else in the bathroom.
“Dorian kissed me yesterday.” I wasn’t ever good at keeping secrets, and I wanted someone to talk to about it. While I knew she’d get all excited, she also knew Dorian was an asshole, particularly to me.
She bit her lips to contain her excitement and waited for me to continue before freaking out.
“He kissed me soft, and then hard, and dammit, I liked it. But that’s not the best part! The best part would be when he got paged and left me standing there without another word.” I was so frustrated. He knew what he was doing. Somehow, he guessed I was going out to get laid last night and wanted me thinking about him so I wouldn’t do it. And he succeeded.
Melissa Ann looked at me with a face that said I was a dumbass.
“You do know he’s the chief physician in the hospital, right? He’s a busy man. It’s not like he made his own pager go off.”
A point I was well aware of, but still. I was frustrated, both sexually and mentally. I didn’t want to waste brain space thinking about the man who’d been a complete asshole to me.
He would be the type of guy to screw you then kick you out of his house. I didn’t want that! I wanted a man to screw me senseless then cuddle me afterwards. Dorian was no cuddler. Nothing about him screamed gentle at all. His kiss last night was gentle for all of two seconds before the heat took over us and the devouring began just like before.
“I hate him,” I told her, and she nodded.
“Fine line between love and hate, my dear.”
I shook my head at that statement. There was no love between us, that was for sure. Now lust, I could agree on. That was there in spades, but love? No way in hell could I fall for a man like him, and I doubted he was even capable of love. I doubted he loved anyone but himself.
“You know my vote, but I can see you are going to fight just letting the man have his way and getting it out of your systems, so what are you thinking?” She knew me well, but the fact is I had no idea what I was going to do. That was what was frustrating me—despite everything, my heart kept speeding up whenever I saw him today, even in passing. I didn’t want it to.
“I don’t know. He isn’t the man for me.” I leaned against the wall and sighed.
“He doesn’t need to be the man for you, but there has always been a pull between you two. You’re both losing the fight of denying it. My vote is give in and see where it goes. He plays asshole hard, but I bet he’ll love even harder once he realizes it.”
I wasn’t holding out for love with Dorian. That was hopeless, but maybe it was time I let my body lead with him. It was obvious that was all he wanted. Maybe after that we could move on. He’d go back to ignoring me, and I could find love without this sexual tension getting in the way of everything.
“Thanks for waking me up, Mel.” I walked over and gave her a hug. She always knew when I needed a smack on the head, and this was what she did. I felt officially smacked on the head.
“Just name the firstborn after me, and we’ll be even,” she joked, and I pulled back to laugh.
“Evil woman.”
We left the bathroom, and I indeed felt lighter.
I was in uncharted waters, but I knew where the lighthouse was, and he was currently staring at me with hungry eyes.
Feeling brave after my talk with Melissa Ann, I walked over to him and stood close. If I didn’t get this out now, I might never feel like it was the right choice.
“You win,” I whispered, while looking around making sure no one heard me. When his eyes met with mine again, they were furrowed in confusion. Did he not get what I was saying?
“And what is it I won, exactly?”
An exasperated sigh escaped my lips. Did I really have to spell it out for him? I thought we were on the same page here.
“You win my body, but never my heart. Just so we’re clear.” I was laying that out there right now. My heart was going to have very thick walls and a moat surrounding it when I was around him.
“I never wanted your heart, Esme.”
I didn’t flinch at his words because at least we were both in agreement that this was completely for release and not love.
He didn’t say anything else, and I kinda thought he was going to drag me off somewhere to take advantage of my mood right now, but he didn’t. He just stood there looking at me, an unreadable expression on his face.
Right. We were back to these awkward silent moments that had been happening frequently between us lately.
“So, I’m going to get back to work. I’ll, uh, page you.” I turned and walked off.
I’ll page you. Wow.
No wonder I was still single.
Work went by quickly and then the next day Dorian was off. I thought we would have jumped each other already, but he didn’t seem like he was in a rush, and that sort of bothered me. Had I been the only one that was feeling this undeniable physical attraction between us? Maybe he only wanted me because I was denying him, and now the challenge was over.
