“Feeling relaxed?” he asked whenI hopped in the Jeep.
“Yeah, except I still have this pain in my ass right now.”
“Too much anal play? I told them to be gentle with the happy endings.” He always had something to come back with,something I really liked about him.
“Yep, my ass is nice and open, ready for the threesome we are having tonight.” I did not let my mind wander where my mouth went. There was no way in hell I would ever let two dicks near me at the same time.
“No can do, Lips. You and I are having a twosome tonight. Just your P and my D.”
He drove us back to the house, and I told him I would make us some lunch, which was chicken quesadillas.
I was pretty good with a skillet, but that was about it. Briefly, I thought about just eating fruit and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but he had been making extraordinary meals for me, so I could try for him. When he bit into them and moaned, I knew I’d done all right.
“You ready to get back to work tomorrow?” I asked him, curious if he was ready for the hard work and long hours to continue. He nodded, but didn’t speak with his mouth full of food.
“So far it seems like it’s going to be a really good movie. I might even have to go see it in the theater.” I took a bite of my food and mentally replayed what all had been filmed as of now. The movie was really going to kill it on screen.
“You should come with me to the premiere.” He asked like it was no big deal, but it was. I was all for being with him now, but coming out to everyone? Still a pansy when it came to that.
“I don’t know.” My stomach was starting to turn sour; we were having such a good time. I didn’t want to make him unhappy with my reservations about being out in the open with him.
He set his food down and looked at me with his head tilted to the side. Those blue eyes were looking at me intently, trying to figure my thoughts out.
“You don’t think you’ll be comfortable being seen with me by the premiere? A year away?” Shit, I did hurt his feelings.
“I just don’t know. I really like being with you. You make me feel things I haven’t felt before, but it’s not just me, Joel. I have to take into consideration what your fame could do to Jenson. To our family. Things are just a little more complicated with you being who you are. Always in the paper, and on TV. And we don’t know where our relationship will be then.”
It was the pure, honest truth. I could handle it all, but what happened when the papers constantly published lies about Joel and me? Or worse, even included Jenson? My stomach dropped, just thinking about that. It could cause issues with school, and our relationship. Fame always had a price.
“I get it. But you don’t.” He looked like he’d bitten into a bitter apple, and abruptly stood, pushing his plate away. NO!
“I’m going for a walk.” He walked out of the house without another word. I stared at the space on the porch where he had been before vanishing from my sight. I fucked up. He’d done all these sweet things for me and had been treating me like his princess, and I screwed it up with my mouth.
But what I felt was legitimate. My concerns were real, and I couldn’t just blink them away. There was a reason that so many couples in the movie business never lasted, and the kids were usually the first to suffer from it. Always in the public eye, and scrutinized.
I pushed my plate away from me and buried my head in my hands. Tears assaulted my eyes, and I felt like such a horrible person. We were complicated. But I wanted Joel. No, I needed Joel. He was becoming such an important part of my life, and I wasn’t willing to let him go. I knew it was wrong of me to keep yo-yoing him around, but I just wanted my cake and to eat it, too.
But sooner or later, I was going to have to choose.
