Chapter Nineteen
Alessandra
I woke refreshed from my weekend, and was ready to take on the work week. When Joel saw me, he looked around to see if we were alone in the trailer, then he picked me up, and crushed his lips to mine. I giggled at how excited he was to be free with me. He could touch me; he could kiss me. But we both knew there was an unspoken rule to be professional at work.
“You need to just move in with me.” He pulled back and set me down. I shook my head at his ridiculousness.
“Sure.” I played along.
“It’s going to happen.” He pulled me in close and nipped at my lip, revving my engine up at an improper time.
Before we could put space between us, Kandi walked in.
She popped her bubble and stood there for a minute, just taking in the sight before her: me in Joel’s arms, intimate clench, which I untangled myself from as soon as I could with her staring at me.
“Knew you two were going to break one day. Fine line between love and hate, people.” She turned around and went back to the wardrobe section, not caring that the main actor and his lead makeup artist were smooching. I didn’t know what to think about that. Did that say something bad about me, that it was almost expected? That Joel Kline could have any woman he wanted, that it wasn’t a big deal?
Joel sat in his seat, and I started my work, moving on from that awkward moment. But my brain never stopped. Doubt after doubt flooded my thoughts, and I couldn’t reel it back in. We had something real. Didn’t we?
He tried to get some words in while I worked, but I just shushed him and pretended to add more makeup on his lips to keep him from talking. He did need a slight repair from where we bit each other’s lips hard, so I didn’t truly need an excuse. But I would have used it, anyway.
If everyone found out that we were together, I would just look like some bimbo that fell for his charms, or worse, someone looking to use him to get ahead. I felt like an idiot. And somewhere inside me I knew that it just wasn’t true, but being on set where the actor was king, and I was no one, I couldn’t stop myself from going there.
Kandi came and got him as soon as I set my brush down. The look in his eyes said that we weren’t done talking, but I was, for now.
My thoughts only got worse as the day continued. Watching him and Nineveh do their job well meant watching them cuddling, and talking about love, and it looked real.
When they had to film their first kissing scene, I had to leave. I knew what trying to open up to him would entail. I knew he had a job to do, and would have to kiss people. Or even have to pretend to have sex with women for a film. But I was feeling weak in this moment, and just couldn’t do it. I left the area while they were lip locked and headed to the bathroom to try and get my act together.
I wasn’t acting like the grown, strong woman that I was. And I hated that. Why was I doubting this with him? Why was I caring what people thought about me?
I sat there staring at myself in the mirror, with my hands on the little sink in the handicap-accessible stall, trying to figure out how to move past this. I decided I wanted to try with Joel. We had a great weekend together. He made me come on his bed, and kissed me like I was something special to him. Jenson adored him, and he wasn’t shitty to my kid. I was just overreacting. The kiss was just part of the job. Kandi didn’t give two shits about us; she was just calling us out on what she saw coming.
The door to the restroom opened, and I was glad to be hidden in this stall. No one could see my face and how crazy I was acting.
Then someone knocked on my stall.
“Someone’s in here,” I called out to the person. Seriously, I knew no one else was in here, there was still another toilet to pee in.
“Alessandra, let me in.” Joel?
I turned and unlocked the door, only for him to barge in and pick me up, setting me on the sink with him between my legs. Holy shit, that was quick. What was happening right now?
“Joel, this is the ladies’ room!” I whisper-yelled. I didn’t add the “anyone could see us” part after my exclamation because he didn’t look happy right now, and I knew that wouldn’t go over well.
“And it’s where my fucking woman is having a crazy moment in her head right now.”
I opened my mouth to defend myself, but he shushed me with a kiss.
“You own my kiss,” he groaned.
“I saw you leave when I had to kiss Nineveh. It’s my job. She is nothing at all to me. Those lips don’t drive me wild like yours. Yours drove me wild even before I tasted them.”
He kissed me again then pulled back to continue speaking.
“I don’t give a shit who knows about us, or what they think. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. And I understand your situation is a lot more delicate than mine. But I swear, I will tattoo it on my ass if I have to, so you’ll finally get who owns me.” His forehead touched mine, and I felt what he was saying deep inside me. I took a deep breath and went in search of those lips that owned me, too.
“I’m sorry. It’s just new. I haven’t done this, and you’re just so much. And—” I tried to keep talking, but his hands moved over my body and his kiss was searing my soul, making me forget the doubts and bad thoughts I was having before. I could be strong. I could do it.
