Chapter Twenty-Two
Killian
Iwas such a dick. She asked me what I was thinking, and I said nothing. Nothing. I had been so caught up in everything that was her, that I missed an opportunity for something important to be said, and now that time had passed. The whole cab felt weird, and I know it’s because I didn’t answer her. This whole thing was becoming more complicated with every passing hour. She was perfect, and was quickly becoming someone I wanted in my life forever. I wanted her to be my girl. Mine completely. Fuck, did I want that. But she wasn’t even totally her own person, yet. She was just figuring all that out now. The weight of her brother’s death, her asshat ex, and his friend’s assault... Livia hadn’t gotten a chance to do her in what seems like a long time. I couldn’t expect her to try to make a life with me when she didn’t even know what her life was.
She was still trying to figure it out.
So I stayed quiet, and ruined the moment. I could see her retreating back into herself slightly, and I hated that I did that.
We drove for a while longer, until it was time to fuel up and eat something. She jumped out of the cab and ran inside the store without me.
I was messing this up, and it hadn’t even gotten a true start. My mind was a mess, so when my phone rang from my bunk, I was startled, but grabbed it anyway.
“Killian.”
“Hey, how’re my little love birds doing? You guys finally give in to your carnal urges? You married yet?” Joel was firing off questions in my ear.
“I’m fucking up already,” I admitted to him. He was better at this shit than I was. Hell, I hadn’t been with someone for more than a few hours in years, let alone try to be with them long-term. My back was feeling tight, so I reached up and stretched while waiting for him to ask me what I meant. He did, and I told him what was going on.
“Tough spot to be in. You want her, but don’t want to hold her back from figuring out her life. On the other hand, you’re probably fucking with her head with the silent treatment.” My fingers ran through my hair in exasperation.
“Yep.”
“Well, I say let it all go for the rest of the month, and when the drive ends, let her go. She’ll have figured it out by then—what she wants—and if not, then she’ll figure it out when you aren’t screwing her mindless.”
“I don’t wanna let her go.” It was hard to voice those words out loud. Lucas’s words came back to me, and I knew he was right.
“Not your choice, man. I’m glad she makes you happy, and I’ve been hoping someone would turn on the light in your life. But you’re going to have to let her go. One way or another, she needs that. You can see the lost girl in her eyes still; she has to find herself completely before she can give herself over to you as equals.” His words sank in deep. He was right. I knew where I stood in life. I was content with that, but she didn’t.
“You’re right,” I sullenly agreed.
“Sucks,” he commented and I said it right back. Because it did suck.
“Enjoy the weeks, give her you, give it your all, and keep those memories close. Then let her go home.” The thought of letting her go still felt like someone was squeezing the life out of me, taking away my oxygen. I’d survive the pain in the end. I’d been doing it all along before her.
“Right.” I was just about to get off the phone when an idea hit me.
“Hey, you wanna hook me up with some tickets?” I could practically see the shock on his face through the phone.
“Uh, whatcha need?”
“Broadway. In two days. She’s never been; I wanna take her.” I could see her small figure leaving the store and heading my way.
“Just text me when; I gotta go.” I hung up on him before he could say anything else. Tossing my phone on the seat, I jumped out of the truck and went about getting some fuel in the tank. I heard her door open and close, and sighed out my relief of not being in the truck right now. I still needed to come up with an explanation of my silence earlier. Make us right, so we could enjoy the rest of our time before she would be gone.
After going in to the stop to take a piss, I climbed into the truck, and saw my phone’s little notification light blink.
“Your phone beeped.” Livia confirmed what I saw. I looked at the text from Joel. He did it. I might have a chance of turning this whole thing around.
Once I was situated, I looked over my mileage logs to check that everything was up to date, and then got us back on the highway.
“Do you have a Facebook profile?” I spared her a little glance, her face was void of the awkwardness she had before. Maybe she had moved on from our little moment?
“Did for a while, but let it go. Too much work.” The only person I talked to was Joel. Didn’t need Facebook for that.
“I have one, but I haven’t been on in a while. I got so tired of everyone telling me they were sorry about Julian. They didn’t really care. Over half of my friends list weren’t really friends. Ya know?” She paused to think, but kept going on about Facebook.
“It was like I was addicted to being on there, too. Talking to people, craving the connection, even if they didn’t really care about me.” She sighed and looked at her hands.
