‘Thank you for playing cards with me. It was nice.’
‘Even though I beat you?’
‘Maybe we’ll have to have a rematch,’ she said, meeting Lance’s gaze over the top of Erin’s head. ‘Perhaps at Hideaway Cottage and see if Tasha is allowed to come, too?’
‘That would be good, wouldn’t it, Dad?’
‘Let’s see how much time Jules has left on the island before we start booking her up for card games.’
And irrationally she felt rebuffed.
They drove down the lane in silence as the shadows lengthened.
‘When are you going home?’ he asked, pulling up outside the cottage.
Such a difficult question to answer, she thought, because over the last few days this little house had felt like home, but of course it wasn’t.
‘I don’t know.’
She had butterflies in her stomach at the thought of returning to Manchester, to the memories of Gavin, to the responsibility of her job. How long could she stay here tucked away from normal life? How long should she stay?
‘Not that I’m trying to get rid of you,’ he said with a half laugh. ‘I’m sorry if I was a bit curt back there, but I don’t want either of the girls to get too attached to you if you’re not going to be here for long.’
‘I’ve got to go back sooner or later. I can’t hide behind trauma for ever.’
‘Oh, Jules,’ he said, ‘you’re not hiding behind trauma. You’re learning to live with what’s happened. You can’t hurry that. If you go back too soon, to work, to normal life, you might have a relapse.’
His words felt like an enormous hug. She looked up at him, his eyes dark pools, his cheekbones highlighted by the moonlight.
‘Did that happen to you?’ she asked tentatively.
‘The first year was incredibly hard,’ he replied, looking straight ahead towards the cottage. ‘The second year a little better. The third year…’
He shook his head.
‘The third year was terrible. I had some grief counselling, which helped. I should have done it before, but I just ploughed on thinking I could deal with everything.’
‘And now?’
He chewed his bottom lip.
‘And now I’m in a pretty good place and I feel guilty for saying it, as if I’m betraying Sarah’s memory.’
‘But she wouldn’t have wanted you to grieve for ever. She would have wanted you to get on and live your one precious life.’
He nodded.
‘I’ll be back, though, to visit Carrie and Guy and…’ she paused, choosing her words carefully, ‘…hopefully catch up with everyone else who’s been so kind to me. I’m not going to disappear up north, never to be seen again.’
He turned his face towards her and smiled.
‘That’s good to hear.’
For a brief moment she thought that he might lean over and kiss her, but after a couple of seconds he looked away and lifted his hand from the steering wheel.
‘Is that your mother looking out of the window?’ he asked, pointing towards the cottage.
‘I can’t believe she’s doing that!’ Jules exclaimed. ‘It’s not as if I’m fifteen and sitting in some randy sixth former’s car snogging!’
