‘Nice that she brought you a cup of tea though. What are the two of you going to do today?’
‘I really don’t know, but it’s got to be something, or I’ll go mad.’
‘There are the botanical gardens at Ryde. They are amazing.’
‘Too much time to chat,’ Jules replied.
‘What about the Roman villa at Brading? There are lots of things to read about and fascinating mosaics to look at so she won’t be able to talk to you too much.’
‘Apart from in the car on the way there and back,’ Jules groaned, ‘and over coffee and lunch and… You could come with us.’
‘I could,’ Carrie replied cautiously, ‘except I don’t think I should.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because, much as you’re resisting, I think you should spend a bit of time on your own with your mum.’
‘We did that yesterday until she fell asleep in front of the television.’
‘I’ll speak to you later to find out how you’ve got on. If you need me tomorrow, I’m available.’
‘Some friend you are,’ Jules said.
‘Breakfast’s ready,’ Beulah called from the kitchen.
Jules put the phone down and walked through to the kitchen.
‘Mum, I really don’t need you to get me breakfast. I’m a big girl now.’
Beulah’s face fell. She slumped down at the beautifully laid table with its jug of freshly squeezed orange juice, bowl of glistening strawberries, tub of yoghurt and jar of homemade muesli.
‘All I wanted,’ she said, her voice breaking, ‘when your father died, was to protect you. But you always fought me and eventually I told myself that you needed to grieve in your own way. I tried to respect that. I’m only going to stay for a few days, but while I’m here, Julianna, please let me look after you a little. It might be good for both of us.’
Jules sighed.
‘As long as you don’t make me eat semolina or insist on sleeping on the floor next to my bed.’
‘I only did that when you had that horrible virus, which the doctor subsequently suspected might be meningitis,’ Beulah said. ‘Thank goodness it wasn’t. I live in absolute fear of losing you and Phoebe, too.’
She twisted her wedding ring around on her finger.
‘You know Phoebe and Giles are trying for a baby?’
Jules nodded, ignoring Beulah’s surprise.
‘It’s making her very stressed. I’ve told her to try and relax. I’ve sent her some breathing exercises and yoga poses, but…’ She shrugged. ‘They say that you’re only as happy as your least-happiest child and it’s so right.’
‘And now you’ve got both of us being unhappy,’ Jules said.
‘I would do anything for you,’ Beulah said, ‘both of you. You do know that, don’t you?’
Jules nodded. She did know that, always had. She just hadn’t wanted to accept anything from her mother that she didn’t have to.
‘Perhaps we should stay here today, darling. You look very pale.’
‘No, I’m fine. A bit exhausted, that’s all. It comes in waves.’
‘You have been through such trauma. It’s bound to have taken it out of you. I wish it could have been me instead.’
