Jules shook her head and waved her hand as her mother bent beside her.
‘I’m fine,’ she gasped. Her vocal cords felt crushed by the sadnesses of all the years, her head spinning. She watched as ants scurried around the edge of her flip-flops and across the paving towards gaps in the big roughly hewn stones edging a border of bright red flowers, which were becoming increasingly blurred. She was vaguely aware of her mother calling Carrie and them taking her under each arm and half dragging her back to the bench. A swarm of grey clouds filled her head, pinpricks of black demanding omnipotence.
‘Julianna, listen, put your head between your knees.’
No, no, that didn’t work. Everyone knew that didn’t work. She needed to lie down on the ground. She tilted forwards, aware of Beulah’s hands holding on to her as she slid to the stone, which was warm from the sun and gritty from more ants coming and going. She did hope that she wouldn’t squash any of them, but she was leaving this world, the blackness terrifyingly intense and the cold clamminess at the back of her neck spreading until…
She opened her eyes to find Beulah kneeling beside her, one hand smoothing damp hair back from her forehead. She felt so cold even though the sun was beating down on her.
‘Oh, you’re back. Thank goodness. Don’t move. I knew you weren’t well the moment I saw you.’
Jules closed her eyes again.
That was just what she wanted to hear.
‘We should call a doctor.’
If only you had done that when Dad first complained of chest pains, she thought. But there was no point going there now.
She tried to sit up. There was a sandy sediment all up the side of one arm.
‘I just fainted, Mum, that’s all.’
‘That’s all! How can you be so blasé? There’s a reason. Your body is telling you something. We need to get you checked out. Don’t you agree, Caroline?’
‘Well, maybe it would be a good…’
‘I’ve probably got a bit too much sun. I’ve been sitting out.’
‘You never would wear a hat. When you were little, I used to put a hat on you and ten seconds later it was off.’
She felt sick and headachey. She had to admit her mother was probably right and she should have worn a hat. Beulah studied her intently as Jules sat up and massaged her forehead with the tips of her fingers. She had no idea where that had come from. The last time she had fainted was after too much red wine on a work night out and that had been a couple of years ago.
‘I’m okay, now. Honestly. I just need some water.’
Beulah foraged in her bag and produced a water bottle.
‘Here,’ she said, ‘drink this. I’ve put some rescue remedy in it.’
‘Thank you,’ Jules said, taking a welcome sip.
‘Thank goodness I’m here to keep an eye on you,’ Beulah said.
Jules felt a shudder ripple through her.
‘Carrie’s been keeping an eye on me.’
‘And a wonderful job I’m sure she’s been making of it,’ Beulah said.
Jules sat up straighter, trying to look better than she felt.
‘You look very pale. I wonder if you’re anaemic.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘It might be worth having a blood test.’
‘When I get back to Manchester I will.’
