She stepped back and waved as he pulled away and suddenly, without him there, without a soul on the street, and only the rustling of the trees for company, she felt very alone.
The driveway looped around the back of the house and Jules was convinced that Gavin’s car would be there alongside a couple of workmen’s vans. She skirted the overgrown circular bed at the front, containing some poor straggly roses whichwere doing their best to flower. Perhaps she would offer to prune them and try to give them a new lease of life, although Gavin would probably want to pull them out and replant with something new. He wasn’t a rescuer like her; she got an immense feeling of satisfaction from giving things a new lease of life. Old roses had such a beautiful scent as well.
‘Don’t you worry,’ she whispered to them. ‘I’m in your corner. Even if you end up being uprooted, I’ll make sure you get a second chance.’
She stood up straighter, slowed her breathing and began to feel more in control, except the house looked empty and there was no sound of the electrician’s radio or the plumber’s cheerful whistling.
There was no sign of Gavin’s car either. No sign of anyone. The windows were still boarded up, although she was sure he’d said the new custom-made ones were arriving a couple of days ago and were about to be installed. She sank on to the shady back steps, pulling her cardigan closer. If only she could talk to Carrie; just hear her voice saying that everything would be fine. She took her phone out of her back pocket, her finger hovering over Carrie’s name. It should be the easiest thing in the world to press that brand new shiny screen. Instead, she stood up and, without a backwards glance, walked away from the house, heading towards the centre of town where she could pick up a bus back home to wait.
Jules made a cup of tea and picked up a magazine, but she couldn’t concentrate. Her muscles were solid with tension. Maybe a bath would help, with that nice neroli oil which her mother had sent and she’d been saving for a special moment. She turned on the taps, opened the bathroom cabinet and paused, arms raised. The two shelves that Gavin hadcommandeered for all of his lotions and potions were empty. Behind her the water gushed into the bath. Despite the steam filling the small room, Jules went cold. Turning off the taps, she walked as steadily as possible through to Carrie’s old bedroom, pausing before the wardrobe where Gavin kept his immaculately presented clothes. She stood for a whole minute, afraid to open the door. Bile rose in her throat. She reached out, took hold of the metal teardrop handle, placed her palm flat against the opposing door. She was always afraid that the wardrobe would topple over because you had to yank the door open. A sob shuddered up through her. The wardrobe was empty. All of his clothes had gone, too.
It was a week later when Jules heard a key in the lock. She had been off work, unable to eat, barely able to sleep although that was all she wanted to do – to sleep and wake up to find that it had all been a terrible nightmare. The burly men had been back, but she had hidden in a corner, crouched between her dressing table and the wall, pretended that she wasn’t there, listening to them telling her how she wasn’t the only one, how they didn’t want to harass her, but they had a job to do.
She felt as if she was existing in a parallel world, one which she’d never have been able to conjure up. It had been one of the worst weeks of her life, almost as bad as when her father had died. At least her father hadn’t meant to leave her, but Gavin obviously had. He’d conned her, strolling away without a word, taking the money she’d lent him, leaving God knows how many debts and maybe other broken-hearted women behind. She couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid as to believe in him.
And then late that afternoon, sitting on the sofa in the rabbit pyjamas which she’d been wearing all week and barely watching some film which she’d hoped would be distracting, she’d heardthe door open. He was back. She spilt her hot chocolate all over herself as she leapt up. She looked terrible but what did that matter? He was here to explain and apologise and tell her that he still loved her. The door from the hallway opened and at the sight of the person gazing back at her Jules promptly burst into tears all over again.
‘Shh,’ Carrie said, dropping her bag on the floor and moving swiftly towards her.
Gently she took the mug from Jules’s hands and put it on the table before stroking her disgustingly manky and matted hair back from her unwashed face.
‘Please don’t cry,’ Carrie soothed, wrapping gentle arms around her. ‘It’s going to be all right. I promise.’
Jules allowed herself to be held until the sobs began to subside and Carrie eased her back down onto the sofa.
‘W-what are you doing here?’ she snuffled.
‘I’m here,’ Carrie said, softly, but in a voice that didn’t brook any opposition, ‘to take care of you.’
‘H-how did you know?’
‘Your mum rang me. Said she didn’t know what to do. She’d called the hospital because you weren’t answering your phone and they told her you weren’t at work and had been signed off with stress. She said she came to see you, to take you home with her, but you wouldn’t open the door to her or to your sister.’
Jules grabbed a tissue from the almost empty box on the coffee table and wiped her eyes. She shook her head, stared at her lap, couldn’t look Carrie in the eye.
‘I couldn’t face them. I couldn’t face anyone. What is there to say except I’ve been an idiot.’
Carrie reached for one of her hands and held it firmly.
‘You’re far from alone in that. We’ve all been there at one time or another. You were there for me when I needed it and I’m here for you now.’
‘I went into work when I shouldn’t have done, the evening after Gavin left. I was too upset, not concentrating and…’
She could hardly bear to think about it.
‘We were short-staffed and it was a busy night and I was distracted and…’
Her voice dropped to a whisper.
‘I nearly made a mistake. I nearly left it too long before calling for back-up. I’ve never done that before. It could have all gone so wrong. I could have cost that baby his life.’
Carrie took her hands.
‘But you didn’t, did you?’
Jules shook her head.
‘Afterwards I went to pieces. They sent me home. I’m not to be trusted, Carrie.’
