‘I have a theory that she resents me because I ruined her figure. I know that I wasn’t an easy baby because she’s always telling me. Apparently, the birth was horrendous. She thinks she should have had a caesarean, but in the end, she gave birth naturally. She lost a lot of blood and had to have a transfusion. We’ve never bonded. That happens, doesn’t it?’
‘Sometimes, but you mustn’t blame yourself.’
‘Do you think that deep down we can remember our birth and being inside the womb and whether we were wanted? Do you think that affects us and our relationships with people, with ourselves?’
‘Wow, um… those are big questions. I don’t know. They do say that we never forget anything and there’s so much we still don’t know about memory and how the body and brain work. It must have been hard for your mum to go through that experience though.’
‘She bonded with Will straight away. He was an easy baby apparently. Erin was really wanted, too. Her mum had had a couple of miscarriages. She and Lance didn’t think they could have children so when she came along it was like a miracle. She was adored from the get-go. You can tell, can’t you?’
Jules thought back to the girl she’d briefly seen at the pottery; her lovely heart-shaped face, smiling eyes and upturnedlips. In spite of the sadness she’d suffered, she looked balanced and secure.
‘Yes, I think you can.’
‘And Fitz, too. They really wanted him. So much that Erin’s mum delayed having chemo rather than risk losing the baby. Erin says that probably cost her life.’
‘That’s very sad.’
‘Lance talks about her a lot and there are photos everywhere in the house. Erin says that her dad does his best to make up for them not having a mum. He always says the three of them are a team. He doesn’t do anything without asking them. I think Mum’s jealous of how close they are. She doesn’t like me going to the pottery much, but Erin’s my best friend and Granny stands up for me. I love it there. It’s so chilled.’
‘What are you making?’
‘Another jug. I’m getting quite good at them now.’
Suddenly she sat up straighter.
‘When I’m sitting at that wheel, I forget about everything else, about Mum and Dad and problems at school, and being fat and what I’m going to do with my life that will make everyone happy.’
Jules stared at her for a moment, at her beautiful translucent skin with its smattering of freckles, at her long, wavy hair, at her blonde-tipped eyelashes.
‘I felt the same when I was there,’ Jules said. ‘Totally absorbed. I’ve had a bad time. Someone, a man who I thought I loved, has let me down very badly. Taken money from me.’
‘Taken your trust,’ Tasha said, softly.
‘Yes.’
‘In everything?’
‘I thought so, until I came here. Of course, I had Carrie. She is one of the best friends anyone could have.’
‘Like Erin.’
Jules nodded.
‘We all need a friend like that. I nearly lost Carrie. Don’t you let that happen with Erin. Don’t let some silly argument jeopardise your friendship.’
‘But when you sat at the wheel,’ Tasha said, ‘you felt better?’
Jules gazed out of the window towards the side garden where birds were pecking seed from the feeder which Guy had filled yesterday while they were out.
‘It was like – like the aftermath of delivering my first baby. A feeling of contentment, of knowing that this was something I could do, was meant to do, does that sound weird?’
Tasha shook her head.
‘Do you believe in reincarnation?’
‘Oh, my goodness, that’s another big question, especially for a midwife. I’m not sure. I’ve noticed how uncanny it is that after one person passes on from a family, a new baby arrives as if to fill the space.’
Tasha started to blush.
