Losing him would kill me. If anyone could bring me straight to my knees, it’d be him.
Insecurities invade my mind, and my stomach knots. I don’t think I can give him everything he’s willing to give me—not that I didn’t love every second of last night, because I did.
Nor do I regret it.
Well, most of it.
I regret some shit I let slip. I worry it’ll be awkward between us. I fear he’s in a fragile state, and when things settle, he’ll realize he doesn’t enjoy being dominated by me. Or anything sexual with me, for that matter.
Then, there’s the team and management. I can’t show him the affection and commitment he deserves. I already have to restrain myself publicly with Aurora. Now Jax too, but more so.
Guilt has my breath quickening. What if he grows to resent being a secret? Resents me? I’m only setting him up for destruction, setting us up for failure.
“Stop panicking.” His raspy, sleep-filled tone interrupts my downward spiral. He kisses my aching chest, his hand over my racing heart. “I loved everything.” Another kiss, lower. “I won’t tell a soul.” His lips drift to my stomach. “I love you. I love being with you.”
He dips under the covers, and, once again, my brain battles with my body.
For the moment, my brain triumphs. “Jax.”
He palms my erection over the boxers I put on after showering last night.
“Jax.” I raise my voice.
He ignores me and kisses the head of my cock, an open-mouthed kiss that soaks my boxers, and I jerk, my body begging for more.
“Jax,” I growl and yank his hair.
“What?” He throws the blanket back. “I want it,” he whines.
I lift my brows. “Come here.”
His eyes glint with mischief. “No. I’m busy.”
“Get up here.”
“No.” His stare is an unwavering challenge, a dare.
And I’m so close to caving.
When I say nothing more, he pulls down the waistband of my boxers and runs his tongue up my length, still holding eye contact, still testing me.
I’m tempted to let him have it then punish him by choking him with my dick. “You want me to take control? Is that it?”
“I want you satisfied.”
Confused, I scowl. “I am satisfied.”
He crawls up my body, his cock brushing mine. “No, I want you to be truly satisfied. I want you to come to our hotel room, knowing you have the power to take what you want. No holding back.”
No holding back.Privately.
I trace my thumb over his perfect lips. “I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to lose you.” I can’t look him in the eyes. “I…I don’t think I can give you everything you give me.”
When I risk a glance, his head is cocked, his expression something I’d expect on my own face—irked. He falls to his side, propping up on his elbow, and I miss the weight of him immediately.
He releases an exasperated sigh. “This is really bothering you?”
I clear my throat, garnering the courage to continue. “I almost lost you. I refuse to feel that way again.”
