Even with this new addition of finding out insubordinates, it’ll still take me a decade to pay it off, I sighed.And I would endanger Crush’s life in the process.
Thinking about Crush shocked me back to the present. Despite his tough attitude and unfeeling demeanor, I was undoubtedly attracted to him. I didn’t agree to go on the date to learn more about his plan of getting out from King. At least…not entirely anyway. But when he’s around, he just lights a match, and I get hot.
In anger and in desire.
But if I took Crush’s deal, I would be out faster. And maybe…maybe he and I could build something of a future together. The daydream I had of Crush becoming this entirely new person outside of King’s orders made me swoon. He would change drastically and suddenly become a family man, but maybe he’d be more relaxed. Less hard edges and rough exterior. I saw the softness in his eyes. He was capable of love.
I’d like to see Crush drunk and in love, I thought selfishly.And I want it all to be for me.
And before I could overthink it, I picked up my phone and dialed Crush’s number. It rang for what felt like a lifetime, and I resigned myself to just getting a voicemail message. Which probably was at least a little deserved. But on the last ring, it finally connected
“Hello?” Crush’s melodic voice greeted.
“Hey,” I replied softly. Silence. I took a deep breath and pressed on, “I should apologize for how I acted—”
“No need, Brianna,” he interrupted. “I get it.”
“I’d like to go out again,” I said in a rush. My heart was pounding. Was I…nervous? There was another round of silence, and I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I added, “I was thinking about going downtown, maybe?”
“Where downtown?”
“Cocktail Room?” I suggested.
“That has alcohol,” he pointed out.
I cringed.Of course he remembers that.But if I wanted to see Crush drunk, there was going to have to be alcohol. And not to mention, I hadn’t let loose and had more than a beer with dinner in over five years. I felt oddly safe with Crush. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me or take advantage of me. If he wanted to do that, I had given him plenty of chances. I trusted him to at least see me home if I got in my cups.
“I know,” I said casually, trying not to sound as desperate to see him as I was. “I’d like to get a drink with you.”
He was silent for a beat, but eventually said, “I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Okay,” I said, and I couldn’t help but smile. “I live at the—”
“I know where you live, sweetheart,” he said softly. “Just be ready.”
And he ended the call. I looked at the clock—it was five-thirty.Shit!I was still in my sweaty and fluid-covered scrubs from my shift. I dashed into my bathroom and started the shower. I stripped down and jumped in, not even waiting for it to warm up.
I don’t know why I was excited about this date, but was so reserved with the last one. Maybe it’s because it was my idea, and I chose the place. But there was this attraction to Crush that I couldn’t quite shake, and I wasn’t sure I had realized it the week before.
I got out of the shower, making sure I didn’t miss any spots while shaving my legs. Satisfied that I had performed the duty to the highest extent, I made my way to my bedroom. I changed into my favorite daisy duke shorts—I mean, if two people commented on my ass in the span of a night,I might as well flaunt it.
My confidence grew as I got dressed. I even put on a thong that one my friends in residency gave me for my birthday a few years ago. I slipped on a simple baby blue crop top and slipped my feet into matching wedge sandals. Looking in the mirror, I almost didn’t recognize myself. I seemed brighter, happier. And it brought back memories of before my parents died. I was always their ray of sunshine, and tonight was one of the first times I had felt that way in years.
I looked at the time—it was already six-thirty? I rushed back into the bathroom, drying my blond hair as best as I could. There was foundation in the mix somewhere, and I barely remember putting it on. I did a simple and quick makeup look, with a glittery neutral eyeshadow and nude lipstick, with black eyeliner and mascara. I added a bit of highlight on my cheekbones and looked in the mirror one last time.
I am Brianna fucking Gold, I thought and smiled at my reflection. It had been a while since I had done affirmation mantras in the mirror. My therapist had recommended them after my parents had passed, but this was the first time I had done a mantra as it related to self-esteem. And now I could understand why people did it.
Snapping back to the present, I realized I didn’t have much time. I dashed out to grab my wallet, rifling through for my ID, a credit card, and the measly fifteen dollars in cash I had. I put it all in a smaller, plain wallet and then put that wallet in my clutch. My roommates in my sorority from pre-med taught me that after I had lugged everything and the kitchen sink to the bar one night. A dedicated wallet and clutch for going out was the way to go.
I dashed outside just as the clock struck seven, and there was Crush lounging against his bike. He was in his normal black denim jeans and boots. His shirt was as deep green that brought out his groomed red beard. It was so form-fitting, I could see the muscles of his chest and abs. He was wearing sunglasses, but I could feel his eyes drink me in.
The weather was warm, but not suffocating. It was the perfect night for a little stroll if one was so inclined. But I was looking forward to spending time at the bar with Crush, and I realized I felt giddy at such a prospect. Crush was a red flag personified, but I had a feeling that it was just a front.
I walked up to him as confident as I could muster, just praying I didn’t roll an ankle. Tonight, I was going to be the fun party girl from pre-med school. That girl was flirty and tipsy all the time, and managed to catch the attention of all the guys in the bar.I am her tonight. I smiled as I approached Crush, and I could smell the distinct scent of leather and sandalwood that seemed to hang around him.
“Hey,” I greeted, cringing at the preppy accent it carried.
“Sweetheart,” he nodded gruffly, seeming not to have noticed. Or if he did, it wasn’t enough to make him walk away at this point. His eyes roved my body, and a flush of heat struck my core. “You look good.”
