Maybe I had been the delusional one. Maybe I’d secretly thought all along I could pull him out of this madness. Maybe I’d been lying to myself when I said it was all OK that he was in this spot, I’d love him either way.
Now his spot was pushing back, and I didn’t like it one damn bit.
“Fine,” I said. “But I’m out.”
“Get dressed, but don’t be stupid.”
“Stupid?”
“You don’t think the King’s Men have eyes on you? You don’t think if you separate from me, they’ll come and get you? And besides, even if they weren’t, are you going to be the one to walk away now? After giving me grief for being separate from you, you’re the one walking away?”
His voice was rising. This was no longer a healthy, rational conversation but one between a splitting couple. Tone was disparaging, words condescending. Suffice to say, I wasn’t having any of it.
“Don’t turn this on me, Ashton,” I said, using his full name for the first time in a long, long time. “This has always been you. Always!”
“I have a job to do! I told you to stay the hell away! I told you to treat me like I was dead! And now look what your inability to let go has done!”
That was it.
The breaking point.
I had no more words to say. He’d gotten to me so deep, I couldn’t respond with words.
So I just made a beeline for the door.
And Ash cut me off.
“What the hell are you doing?” he said, seething between his teeth. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?”
“What’s left to kill, Ash?” I said. “You’re treating me like a fucking sex doll, just getting up and going on with your day.”
“For fuck’s…”
He paused, put his hands on his head, and tried to collect himself.
“You have no idea what sort of danger is out there,” he said. “We cannot afford a minute to waste. The Reapers will be here—”
“Of course I know what danger is going out there!” I said. “I lost you for a year, lest you forget that. You think I don’t know? You told me to declare you dead. And had I, well, who knows, but…”
Ash had no response. Once again, I tried to move back.
But this time, he grabbed me. It wasn’t a violent grab; he wasn’t trying to hurt me, only keep me in place. But in my efforts to jerk free, I jerked too hard, falling backward and slamming against the wall.
“Jesus…” Ash mumbled.
I looked up in horror. This wasn’t abuse, no, but this was…this was different. We’dnevercome anywhere close to this when we were together before. How…how had we fallen to this point?
“You know,” I said, not even feeling sad—just numb. “I wanted you back because I thought we could go back to the old days. Not on the outside. I know those days are long gone. But we cared for each other first. We made our wedding vows to put each other first. That doesn’t mean you can’t work with the Black Reapers. It just means…it means I get treated with a little bit more respect than I have been.”
I stood up and shook my head.
“You didn’t just have your body destroyed when you got beat,” I said. “Apparently, you also lost your sense of respect. All of you, Ash, all of you. I know, I know, you have a job to do, and it’s more than just a job. But…maybe some of it’s me.”
But I was in no space to argue. Outside, the sound of bikers approaching filled the air. Even if I had more to say, I would have run out of time.
“I need to go,” I said.
“You can’t—”
