Ash nodded.
“I figured if I played dead, they’d leave you the hell alone. What good would a widow of a dead club member be to them? None. So you would be no factor. Now that Crush knows I’m back, though, and likely King—or he will, anyways…”
I will be a part of this. One way or the other.
I guess I should have been careful what I wished for.
Or, maybe it still wouldn’t have changed anything.
“In any case, though, I think I planted a seed in Crush’s head to rebel against King. We’ll see if it works. A part of me doubts it. A part of me thinks there’s no hope anyways. But we might as well fight if we know the end is inevitable.”
Boy, that got morbid fast.
“I still wish I hadn’t dragged you into this,” he said with a sigh. “Really, I wish I’d never joined the King’s Men. Nothing today would be an issue if so. But I can’t change that. And—”
“You can’t change me being a part of this now, Ash,” I said.
And with the road nearly entirely clear, save for a car way out in front of me, I looked over at him. He looked back at me. However brief the moment was, I saw the way he was looking at me now.
It reminded me of the old days.
“You know, I have to admit, I probably acted a bit crazy in all of this,” I said, followed by a short laugh that got loud. “Who am I kidding? I got really crazy. Not wanting to quit. Not wanting this to end.”
“Why?”
For such a simple question, I hadn’t given it much thought beyond “because it can’t end.” For the first time in nearly a year, I was forced to actually think on it and not just let a thought randomly pop into my head.
“You know I’m nobody,” Ash said. “Sent as a messenger boy by the King’s Men, easily replaceable. Used as a tool by the Black Reapers, only with temporary utility. You’re the only person that seems to see me as something more than a means to an end. Why?”
“Well…I could tell you that you know I come from a family where marriage doesn’t fail. My grandparents, my parents, my cousins…everyone’s married and still married. I refuse to be that. But the truth is…”
I struggled for the truth. What was the truth? I mean, I could describe it in simple terms.That I care for him. Love him.But as to the why of that still…
“I don’t think words are good enough.”
I looked over with a sorrowful smile, but Ash looked at me with those beautiful, gently forgiving eyes. If we weren’t driving, we would have kept that gaze. As it was, finally, my hand slid over to his thigh.
He didn’t move it. I smiled.
“The road, Callie,” he said, but in a gentle, sweet tone.
I smiled, nodded to him, and turned my eyes back. We still had well over half the trip to go, but aside for some quick talk about pulling over for the bathroom or for food, we didn’t say anything. We’d said everything we needed to, and until both of us were out of the car…
I didn’t want to jinx it, but I had a feeling what we were going to “say.”
* * *
Some three hours later, I pulled into our old apartment, still with much of my—our—furniture. I went ahead of Asher, wanting to be inside the apartment first. I fumbled with my keys to unlock the damn door before I finally got it.
And when I stepped into the old apartment, all of the memories came rushing back, sweeping me off my metaphorical feet.
There was the kitchen table where we’d had our first meal together as a married couple. We didn’t have much money back then, and so that served as our de facto “reception” after the wedding, but it was the best damn pizza we’d ever had in our life. It was a simpler time, but that didn’t mean it was a worse time—quite the opposite, in fact.
There was the couch that we so often cuddled on, watching a TV much too small for the two of us. I couldn’t ever say we had “serious” talks on that couch, because Ash wasn’t really prone to “serious” talks, but whenever we had real moments that went beyond the superficial, they were right there.
And there was the bedroom.
Yes, of course, the sex. I couldn’t forget the sex. I often masturbated to the memories of the sex we had—that man could rock my fucking body like no one else ever did. I hadn’t pursued anyone since or even called up an old flame in the time since Ash had left, and it was easy to do that when you knew no one else would live up to that.
