“But life throws things at you. Shit got heavy. I knew shortly after I joined the King’s Men that I’d probably thrown myself into something that I shouldn’t have.”
“So was the separation something you planned then?” I said, blurting out the question before I really had the chance to censor myself some. “Or was it something that you just fell into because of the situation?”
Ash sighed.
“I don’t know, Callie, I can’t answer that,” he said with a bit lip. “Things were getting hairy in the first place. This hairy? No way did I anticipate it. I knew the King’s Men were edgy when I joined. I didn’t think they’d be goddamn territorial, looking to stomp out and destroy other assholes. Hell no.”
He shook his head.
“This whole thing is fucked. Three months ago, I was just trying not to get caught. A week ago, I was sure the Devil’s Patriots were gone. This past weekend, I thought I saw a golden opportunity to save my own ass. Now…I don’t even know who the fuck I’m fighting for. I could just say myself, and I know that’s partially true, but I don’t think it’s fully true.”
He sighed. Poor guy. Ash wasn’t the smartest guy in terms of books or IQ, but he was a very deep thinker. What he may have lacked in brain smarts, I always knew he made up with deep thought, even if that deep thought could be afflicted with darkness and anger from time to time.
“Well, let me ask the question that I should have already asked,” I said as nerves begin to rise. “Let’s say it all works out on the biker front. Let’s say that you can live safely and not have to look over your shoulder. Let’s—”
“I don’t know that that’s possible, Callie. I—”
“Just humor me, please?”
He stopped himself and looked out the passenger window.
“Can we try again?”
I actually slowed down so much in the car, so nervous for a response, a car behind me honked. I found street parking and pulled over, waiting for an answer. I was too shaky and nervous to even drive.
“I don’t know,” he said.
That was a shitty answer. It was both hopeful and pessimistic at the same time. It left room both for the potential for something more, but also left open the realistic scenario that this could be it. It felt like bullshit, and yet it was sadly entirely understandable.
Fuck. Love was hard. Love was so damn hard.
“I just…I can’t even fucking think that far ahead. I had to fucking dress up to avoid being caught and pretend I ghosted you tonight. Asking me what the future looks like next week is damn near impossible, let alone the future in a vague sense.”
“I understand,” I said.
A long silence passed between us. Who would speak first? Who would make the next move, whatever that meant? I didn’t want to; what more could I do? But Ash seemed like he refused to as well, albeit for more fearful reasons.
“You know, with the apartment in Vegas, we might as well go together,” I finally said, trying desperately to find any morsel of hope that I could. “It isourapartment, and we can help the Black Reapers.”
“Perhaps,” Ash said, albeit with a hint of hope. “Might as well, right?”
I smiled. It was the first small glimmer of actual, unadulterated hope I had the entire conversation.
“Might as well.”
Ash looked straight ahead. I knew he could see me. But I knew he wouldn’t look at me. It might give him too much hope.
But that was fine. I’d gotten what I wanted.
A little bit of hope.
“I take it you should get going?” I said, not wanting to overload him.
“Yes, I can’t have my bike in one place for long,” he said, almost relieved to have the out. “But yes. We can go to Las Vegas together. And…”
He didn’t finish his words. Probably didn’t want to imply something he couldn’t promise. But that was OK.
“Sounds good.”
