But I guess staring it in the eye and having it actively come after you were two different things.
I didn’t know what I wanted at this point. OK, I knew what I wanted—for me and Ash to be together again. But I didn’t know what to expect—or didn’t want to know what I should expect. Fuck, I hated how the question changed so much.
Because the chances were very good that in the end, that was the last I’d ever see of Ash again. I’d gotten lucky to randomly bump into him. What was I going to do, randomly run into another biker or someone who knew a biker who could get in touch with him?
* * *
I stopped wallowing in self-pity when it was time to go to work. I wanted him, but I wasn’t a weak woman. I was a professional who had always had a high sense of duty and obligation, and the only thing that would have hurt me in the short term more than this agonizing was showing up late to work in my first week on the job.
Although I’d gotten in later than the rest of my teammates yesterday due to working on various administrative tasks, today, I beat everyone into the office. This gave me a chance to organize my calendar such that by the time it came for lunch, I’d be well ahead of the game and could afford to take some time, while at my desk, to think things through.
I had no idea what the hell I would think through or what conclusions I would draw, but these days, I’d be happy to just take some sort of promising sign.
Leigh came in about twenty minutes after I did. She looked like she hadn’t slept much the night before; her hair was barely put together, and she hadn’t applied but the minimum amount of makeup.
“You OK?” I said.
Leigh gave a half-hearted smile.
“Boyfriend’s had a rough few days and it spilled over into an argument last night. All is good, though.”
“That’s good,” I said back with a gentle smile.
For a brief moment, I thought about mentioning my own encounter with Ash last night but decided against it. How in the world was I to explain to a work colleague—whom I’d known all of a day or so—my entire backstory and history? That seemed…unprofessional, at a minimum.
And though I smartly decided not to say anything about my own experiences, I remembered something as Leigh sat down and booted up her computer. She’d mentioned yesterday that her boyfriend was a biker. I couldn’t remember what group he was in, but…
Ideas began to turn in my head.
“Did he promise to make it up to you?” I said. “You know, boys need to do more things to make up for bad fights. Seems like too often, we’re the ones holding the bag.”
“Funny you should say that since one of the things I’ve been working on is being more assertive and standing up for myself,” Leigh said, pausing and swiveling her chair toward me. “The fight wasn’t terrible by any stretch of the imagination. But…”
“Oh, girl, I’m not saying make him buy you a steak dinner or take you to Cancun. I’m just saying maybe he could buy you lunch or something.”
“Hmm,” Leigh said, a devious grin forming on her face.
I didn’t think she’d pick up on what I was trying to do—to get Leigh’s boyfriend over to the workplace so that I could see him and see if that might lead to Ash somehow. It was a desperate attempt, sure, perhaps crossing the line into awkward and weird. But if nothing else, maybe I’d get a better sense of what sorts of things Ash was involved in.
Maybe even help a little, though I tried not to harbor any crazy illusions that I was somehow going to be the hero to get him to a safe place back with me.
“Well, he did say at some point he’d take me out to lunch, though it’s going to be a crazy workday today,” she said. “I don’t know. You’ve given me a good idea, though, Callie. I think you’ll fit in well here.”
I chuckled with a gentle smile and turned back to my computer. I couldn’t call it a complete success, and in any case, I was trying to be careful not to turn my attempts to get Asher back into a story about a crazy ex. Not that we were exes, but…
Then again, it was probably far too late not to be the crazy one given that I’d already moved to Phoenix to be back with Ash. If that didn’t scream “crazy,” nothing did. But, to push back, was there anything that crazy about wanting a marriage to actually work? It would’ve been one thing for just a boyfriend-girlfriend dynamic, but husband-wife…
The rest of the morning went by without a hitch, which probably wasn’t ideal for what I wanted but not the worst thing in the world. Carl came in, said hello, and immediately retreated to his desk to do his work. Leigh manned the phones, speaking with several clients with ease and the kind of calm that suggested whatever she’d had with her man wasn’t really much of a fight, not like perhaps I’d hoped.
But then, right around noon, Leigh turned to me with the kind of distinct smile that suggested she’d done what I’d recommended. I refused to let my hopes get up, even though her grin said otherwise.
“I took your advice and texted Sonny,” she said. “He’s bringing me food in about half an hour from Sushi Green.”
“Ohh,” I said in awe, even though I didn’t know the difference between Sushi Blue and Sushi Green. “Sounds like he spoiled you.”
“He’s a good guy,” she said. “But I have a meeting at that time I cannot get out of. When he gets here, would you mind running down and getting the food?”
“Sure,” I said as nonchalantly as I could, even as my internal systems were flaring at full capacity while my exterior expression—hopefully—looked completely nonplussed.
