“Sounds good,” Brock and Lane said.
With that, the Black Reapers rose and left the room. Spawn and I remained behind. I looked to him and saw a man who understood what he had to do but was carrying a heavy weight.
“Am I fucking crazy?” I said. “Am I doing something drastic just to be different from my father and being stupid?”
Spawn shook his head.
“You’re doing exactly what I think you should be doing,” he said. “I think you’re giving attention to something that none of us have said, or at least something none of us want to say. But I also think we have to be realistic. Cole’s right. This shit’s not like anything I’ve ever seen, and probably not like anything your father’s ever seen. We don’t like to admit we’re in a losing position, and I’m sure as shit not going to in a meeting. But…”
But we are.
We had to accept that.
“We will win this battle, Spawn,” I said, admittedly as much trying to pep him up as I was telling the truth. “We just have to think intelligently. But we will. We didn’t get to be who we are today by just slamming our heads against the wall.”
Spawn chuckled. But it was not a smiling chuckle; it looked like the chuckle of a soldier who had seen far too much combat and couldn’t believe his “good luck” to have to go into battle once again.
I then nodded for Spawn to leave, which he did so without hesitation. And as soon as the doors shut on him and I was left in church, I suddenly had a lot more sympathy for my father being in this chair than I had ever thought I would.
It was easy to take potshots from the VP chair and think what he was doing wouldn’t work. While I was right, I had failed to properly estimate the stress and burden that would come from having everyone’s life in your hand. I’d fucking handle it like a man, but it sure as shit surprised the hell out of me.
I needed a good release. I needed something to get my mind off this fucking nonsense, clear my head, maybe open up something for the days ahead. I needed…
Goddamnit.
I needed Leigh.
No, I wanted Leigh.
You sure about that?
I wanted her around so that we could have some good sex. I’d explain to her that I wasn’t in the headspace for anything else. That I just wanted to meet up and have some fun, but that I probably wouldn’t be carrying on long conversations. That would be fine.
You know better.
I left church, grabbed my phone, and texted her. I didn’t wait for a response to start heading home. Even if she said no, I needed some distance to think things through.
Heavy, after all, is the head that wears the crown.
