Some of it was good.
From the neck down, my body felt like it had received a full massage. My legs felt like jelly, and my arms hung loosely at my side. Being naked felt good physically, and I felt tingling down below.
But from the neck up, it wasn’t so great.
I had a headache I wanted to blame on the alcohol, and perhaps some of that was true. But I also knew, however much I didn’t want to admit it, that I’d gotten carried away some last night. I’d let a double date turn into something far beyond what I’d wanted, at least for it to happen so soon, and now I had to live with having slept with an ex I’d only gone out with twice since we started talking again.
I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t blacked out. It wasn’t like I could blame Corey for what happened. In the moment, yeah, it felt incredible.
But…
Maybe it will all work out. Maybe in a month’s time, you’ll laugh about this.
But it didn’t change the fact that right now, there was a degree of regret in my head.
To the side of me, Corey murmured something. I looked over, but it looked like he had just started talking in his sleep. I turned back over. How would he feel when he woke up? Would he feel the same sting of regret? Would he talk about how awesome the sex was? Or would he display something akin to cautious excitement?
Given he was a biker, I didn’t exactly have my hopes up that he’d be subdued and calm.
I slowly kicked the covers off of me and headed to the bathroom, as much to use it as to be alone. This morning, conversation was going to be awkward. I didn’t want it to end here. But I needed Corey to understand it couldn’t happen again so soon.
Not when I still didn’t even know if I was going to live here. Not when I was still processing the sudden death of my parents. Not when I hadn’t even figured out what I was going to do financially for myself.
I came back into the room to see Corey slowly waking up. He stretched his arms out and then looked over at my naked body.
“Now that is something I can get up to every day,” he said with a dry laugh, “in more ways than one.”
I smiled gently. I didn’t want to say too much, but it was kind of funny.
“Come here, sexy,” he said, “I need a sequel to last night.”
“You don’t want to eat first?” I asked. “I’m starving.”
That was actually true, though it obviously wasn’t the reason I was pushing him away.
“I’m hungry for that juicy pussy of yours. Don’t tell me you’re going to play hard to get. After all that we went through to get to this point?”
He wasn’t trying to guilt-trip me. But it was having an identical effect all the same.
“It’s just…we had such a great time last night, and now I’m sore, and I just want food—”
“Is that really what you’re saying, Melissa?”
Boy, called out cold. But he was right to. I took a breath in, reminding myself that hard conversations were, well, hard.
“You’re saying don’t play hard to get. I understand. But think of how much shit we went through just to get to this point. Don’t you think we should slow things down? Just to make sure we’re doing it right?”
All of the humor, all of the lightness, all of the sexually derived pleasure in Corey’s face dropped instantly. He, too, drew a short breath, closing his eyes and trying to calm himself down, but it was so painfully obvious it was a struggle. I felt terrible, but I told myself that as long as I was talking and not hiding, I could live with whatever happened.
That’s what I told myself, at least. Who knew if I could live with it in reality?
“Don’t do this to us, Melissa,” he said, his tone quiet but serious. “Don’t make us go down the same road that we did before.”
“I can’t fight how I feel,” I said. “And besides, I’m not going down the same road. I’m being honest with you, Corey. Before, I would have just ignored it and let it burst out into a fight. I’m trying to be honest with you here.”
Corey sat up in bed, the bed sheets covering his body. I could tell he recognized the truth in what I said, but that didn’t make it any easier for him to accept it. He sighed. I think both of us would have liked for us to just fuck until sunset, agree to do it for all eternity, and just live a life of sexual bliss and ecstasy.
But we both knew that couldn’t happen. My parents’ inheritance wasn’t worth millions of dollars. Not the kind of thing we could just retire off of and fuck our way through.
