Melissa
When I woke up, I didn’t even bother to pretend that it was all a dream.
I never understood people who said that they hoped to have that realization. Dreams were quick, short, and even if they contained some brutal moments, they usually passed by awfully fast. One would wake up and immediately recognize that they were dreams.
There was no such case here. There was absolutely nothing about the last dozen hours that would lead me to believe I’d dreamed anything. I could remember the numbing feeling I got. I could remember Hailey bawling her eyes out. I could remember—no, I didn’t need to remember, I could still feel—the creeping regret bubbling up, the one that told me I hadn’t had as good a relationship with my parents as I could have.
They’d been distant the whole time. They loved me, but they didn’t know how to show it. And what had my response been? To do the same thing back. Not to push back the quiet and the guilt, but to ignore it and pretend like we were the perfect happy family.
And now that would never, ever come back. I would never get the chance to make the “perfect happy” family actually perfectly happy. That was…gone.
And there was no point in trying to pretend otherwise. The more that I hoped for it being a dream, the more painful it would be when I finally did accept the hard reality. Better to just embrace the truth—they were gone, they were not coming back, and Hailey and I would be on our own.
I headed into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee, but I didn’t really need it. Despite barely sleeping through the night, I didn’t need any energy to feel awake. I certainly didn’t have an appetite.
Well, I would need it in a bit. Hailey and I would need to drive home to Odessa to put the estate in order. Our parents weren’t wealthy beyond our wildest dreams, but they weren’t broke, either. We’d have to sell the house, split the proceeds, and go through all the legal shit that no child ever wanted to.
Hailey came out red-eyed and looking like her crying had continued all through the night. I could still see streaks on her face from where the tears had trailed down.
“It just seemed so…”
“Sudden,” I said.
Hailey nodded.
“How are you feeling?”
“Probably like you. Numb and grieving,” I said. “I’d really like not to have to drive home today. But to do otherwise…it’s best to just get it over with.”
Hailey gave no reaction. Inside the bedroom, I heard Sam stirring; he’d come to spend the night, and to his credit, he hadn’t done anything but given me a brief glance, and when I’d turned away, he hadn’t said anything more. Sometimes, the best thing to say was nothing at all.
But this morning, such a conversation probably couldn’t be avoided.
“Has anyone else called you? Any lawyers or state officials?”
I shrugged.
“I put my phone in my suitcase shortly before you went to bed. If anyone had anything important to say, they would have left a voicemail. No need to check it last night.”
Hailey gave the slightest of nods. The coffee finished. I poured myself and Hailey a cup. This was mostly out of habit than anything else, but if it staved off a crash on the highway, I guess I’d be able to say it had a purpose at a time.
“I’m going back with Sam,” she said, “but let me know if you need anything.”
It’s not me who needs anything. I was already in a dark place. I know how to handle shit like this.
But that was the lie of false strength and posturing. Dealing with a shitty ex was a world of difference from dealing with the sudden death of both of my parents, even if my parents and I never cuddled and said we loved each other. One I could handle by simply ignoring and moving on. The other would follow me no matter where I went.
But for my little sister, maybe I did need to live a lie, at least a very small one.
When she shut the door, I heard Sam asking if she was OK, but from that point forward, I couldn’t hear anything more than some muffled conversation. It was kind of nice to hear them having a real, genuine conversation, at least in terms of tone and volume. I still didn’t trust Sam, but at least he was passing one test with flying colors.
Of course, Corey passed a lot of tests with flying colors, but…
But what?
I shook the concerns from my head as I dug through my suitcase for my phone. Exhaustion still hung over me, and I really only had so much strength, but I couldn’t keep legal issues or anything of that sort at bay forever. I found it, pulled it up, and found I had one text.
From a number that I didn’t have saved as a contact, and yet I knew on the spot who it belonged to.
