“It’s been worth it so far, though.”
I found myself speechless. What could you say to someone as courageous and brave as that? What could you say that would show how much you valued them and believed in them without coming across as overly praising?
“Damn,” I said. “Good on you.”
It somehow seemed so underwhelming a response, so weak, so little. But Rachel, like she seemingly had with so much over the last ten years, took it in stride and with much appreciation.
“Thanks. It’s an ongoing process, but I’m happy to be back here. And I’m happy to be with you.”
I hated the warm feeling I got from this. It was a bad fucking sign. She might have been making a lot of progress but hanging out with me would undo a lot of it. Not because I’d lay a malicious finger on her—fuck no, I was no goddamn Bandit—but just because the closer someone got to me, the more I tended to hurt them.
Or, in some cases, bring them to their deaths.
“You know, you can’t possibly tell me at this point, after everything we’ve just shared, that you only want to do coffee.”
That fucking smirk. Her smile had shifted from warm and gentle to knowing. She fuckingknewI was feeling something after that, and she was taking advantage of it. The little bastard.
“I don’t know that that’s really a good idea, I mean—”
“What do you mean?” Rachel said, cocking an eyebrow at me. “You’re all the way out here. You don’t have anything else to do.”
I bit my lip, feeling a little confused that anyone would want to spend time with me. The only girls who did were the club bunnies, not wholesome women who deserved something more than drugs, booze, and fucking. And let’s just say those women were never, ever going to be in the same breath as Rachel Reid.
“I can’t stray far from Santa Maria,” I warned. “With the way things are in that town, shit can go down at any moment.”
“That’s easy enough,” she said far too quickly. “In that case, let’s just do something different. Pull off at a random exit along the freeway. We’ll get off. And let’s go for a walk.”
It was exactly my idea of a date if I could even say I had one. Quiet, away from crowds, away from shit that could go wrong, and a chance to easily leave.
And now, the chance to do it with Rachel Reid, that was a very intriguing opportunity.
“All right,” I said, “but I promise nothing.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Rachel said as she rose from her chair. “Let’s go.”
She might have said as much, but her smile said otherwise.
And if I was being honest, so was my gut.
Rachel
For what felt like once in my life, something was actually going better than expected.
I walked out of the coffee shop on top of the world, knowing Mason was not only mere steps behind me; he was an eager and willing participant in all of this. Granted, “eager” by his standards meant agreeing to do something, not him tap-dancing for joy while singing a tune from a musical, but all the same, it was enthusiasm. It was exciting.
It was terrifying, but in the best way possible. I had no idea what would happen when I touched him. When I kissed him. When I got passionate with him. When I…
Well, that was part of the journey of healing and growth, wasn’t it? To overcome past fears and concerns. To become a better, healthier person than before. To face the moments that would have broken me in the past and overcome them.
Scary, sure, but desirable, certainly still yes.
I stood a few feet from the front entrance as I waited for Mason to come outside. He moved like a snail—if I was being generous, I suppose I’d say he was just moving cautiously. But my impatient self wanted him out here, now, so we could go.
I didn’t even know where on the highway we’d go. I figured Mason would figure that out. But we’d also have something we didn’t have now—complete and total privacy. Which…
Who knew where it would lead?
And how pleasant it was that even the naughtier images in my head about where it could leave weren’t triggering episodes, weren’t the kind of thing that would shut me down…yet.
