Justine
When I stepped outside of the hospital, Zack wasn’t in sight.
But I could certainly hear him—or rather, his bike.
I still hadn’t quite gotten to the level where I felt comfortable with his involvement with the Black Reapers, but I supposed that would come in time.For what? Why would you need to be comfortable with—
I ignored the “rational” thoughts in my mind. I didn’t think they’d ever leave me, but I was beginning to recognize their limitations. I was also beginning to recognize that maybe, just maybe, there was something more to Zack than I was letting myself realize.
And sure enough, when he pulled the bike around the corner and my stomach flipped and my body glowed with a nice warmth despite the cool air, I knew I needed to stop trying to find excuses. There were boundaries, and then there was desire. The first was important to respect. The second was essential to act upon.
“Hop on,” he said.
“You figure out where we’re going?”
He shook his head.
“Somewhere quiet,” he said. “I want to talk.”
“Then let’s go to my place.”
As soon as the words came out, I knew how sexual they sounded. Maybe that was something that I really wanted; maybe it was time for me to stop pretending I didn’t.
Zack, to his credit, didn’t act like he was about to get laid. He just nodded, motioned for me to get on the bike, and then gave me instructions for guiding him on turning. It was simple and straightforward, and the ride would not take more than seven, eight minutes tops.
More than logistics, though, the bike ride gave me a chance to justfeelwhat it was like to be back in the saddle with Zack. And while it obviously physically felt good, there was a real sense of comfort and ease that I had wrapping my arms around him. There was no one—not even close—that made me feel as relaxed and calm as Zack did. I felt like I could be my most at ease with him, even if the Black Reapers provided the opposite of that.
When we pulled up to the house, I got off quickly to unlock the door. Zack maintained something of a distance, though I knew both of us were just chomping at the bit to get to it.
I offered him a beer, which he accepted, and we took a seat at the kitchen table.
“So,” I said with a curious smile, “we’re here. What did you want to talk about?”
Zack smirked.
“I suppose there’s a really smart way to do this, but if there is, I’m not quite smart enough to think it, so fuck it, I’m just going to tell you.”
Here we go.
“We’ve been saying for the past month or so that this wouldn’t work for a variety of reasons,” he said. “But to me, it’s all bullshit.”
Well, that is indeed blunt.
“We’ve been saying my duties as a Black Reaper and such will prevent us from working together, but I believe we’re looking at this wrong. I take fucking pride in being a Reaper, and you should take pride in me too. I’m not going to use this as an excuse to keep us apart. I want you, Justine, and I want you to want all of me. Not just part of me. Not just without the Black Reaper side. But all of it.”
My body felt so…calm as he said everything.
Like it had already decided that it all made sense without me.
“You know, while Cole was in a coma, Lilly came by and asked me if I was close to any of you,” I said. “At the time, we’d already hooked up once, but we were still figuring things out, so I kind of played it coy and said I’d hung out before. But she said something very interesting. She said Black Reapers are both the best and the worst kind of men.”
Zack had no overt reaction. I found myself, however, moving closer to him.
“With Cole in a coma and you guys gearing up for fighting, all I could think was that it wasn’t worth it,” she said. “But as the weeks went by after the attack, I realized the worst…well, I had survived it. And you had shown the best side of you when you came and rescued me.”
I realized I’d been looking at this wrong all along. It wasn’t about what I could lose or what I would have to suffer through; though those were questions that could not be ignored.
It was about what could be gained and cherished.
