By the time I got home, it was well after midnight. I usually left my phone at home, as if anyone needed me, they’d page me or call me, which let me come home to all the texts as if they were a story of how the day unfolded. This was especially true whenever Katie had a story from her gas station to share.
Today, though, I was so exhausted that when I finally did get back inside my house, I didn’t want to look at anything. I wanted to pull the covers back and pass out. I didn’t care if that meant I fell asleep with my clothes on—I just wanted rest more than anything.
My phone was on the way, so I half-heartedly grabbed it. Usually, after a day like this, there would be about a dozen or so messages, maybe more if something especially unusual had happened in the world.
Today, there were over fifty.
I stopped in the middle of the stairwell and started to read. Tara, Elizabeth, and Katie were all asking if their guys had been the one to get hurt. Elizabeth was the most stressed, wondering if they should go to the hospital to see. They all said none of the guys were answering their phones, and while they knew I wasn’t either, Katie expressed annoyance that I wouldn’t leave my phone in the break room for an emergency like this one.
Although it probably didn’t make a difference at this point, I texted the group to let them know that they were all safe, that it had been someone else who had gotten hurt but that that person would live. But I was struck more by their reaction than if it had any logic behind it.
If I thought these guys were really that bad, if I thought that they couldn’t be trusted and were assholes…would the girls really have had that reaction? Their fear seemed genuine. Love made you do some silly and stupid things, but Tara and Elizabeth had dated Brock and Steele for over a year now each. They had had plenty of time to move past the lustful phase and onto something else, and to this point, they had not.
Katie was a different story, but Katie was also the girl I always assumed would move on from a relationship faster than anyone else. She seemed genuine about Connor, but she also went through guys fast. The way she talked about Connor seemed different, but if past performance indicated future results, she could have moved on with the snap of a finger.
Which made her visceral reaction all the more pronounced. I doubt she would have texted that frequently and that strongly over someone she might have only seen as perhaps a one-night stand.
Maybe Zack had a real point that wasn’t just self-serving.
Maybe these guys were good. Well, good might have been too strong, but maybe they had morals and ethics. They may have been assholes, but they weren’t liars or manipulative. They were…well, good enough for three of my closest friends.
I couldn’t say the same for myself. The only one that held any interest of mine was Zack. And even then, that seemed to be living off of nostalgic feeling more than it did anything grounded.
And as it was, I just couldn’t see myself with Zack. There was too much I had to deal with these days, too much business to handle for me to consider dating.
That was the excuse I told myself, at least.
