Justine
It was late into the evening, well past the time when I usually would have gone home.
I normally went home around eight o’clock, a compromise between not having a family and also wanting some sort of sanity with sleep. But Cole’s arrival had forced me to stay a little bit longer, and my edge was wearing thin.
But fortunately, I just needed to complete this last round of checkups, and I’d be free to go home. It wouldn’t have been the greatest day that I’d ever had, but I’d certainly dealt with far worse.
I headed back to the break room to get my quick meditation in, but once again, Zack was inside. At least this time, he’d had the courtesy to not interrupt my meditation, even if he didn’t realize that was what he’d done before.
“You know you’re not supposed to be here, right?” I said. “That this is for hospital employees?”
Zack shrugged. It annoyed me—but in a weirdly pleasant way—that he was so relaxed and calm. Maybe since I was seeking that, I was drawn to it. Or maybe it was just nice to have after dealing with a bunch of asshole bikers.
“I came here to ask you out for coffee or drinks, depending on how you want to do it.”
I stopped walking where I stood. I stared at him. After the day we’d both had, after everything we were dealing with…he was asking me on a date?
“You’re serious,” I said, less of a question and more of just something to say.
“Of course,” he said. “I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t serious. That would seem kind of ridiculous to just ask you if I wasn’t going to follow through, wouldn’t you agree?”
I shook my head. I hadn’t worked nearly long enough on shift to be experiencing any problems; sleep deprivation was real in the hospital, but this wasn’t it.
Right?
“Zack, you know that I don’t want anything to do with anyone in your circle, right?” I said.
“Except me.”
Maybe he meant that in a charming fashion, but it really just came across as arrogant and aloof.
“No, Zack, not even you,” I said, though the words did not quite sound right coming off of my tongue. “After the way Brock just left me alone in his bed the morning after, I felt like a whore. Like I was just…just someone for you guys to say you slept with.”
Someone walked in behind me. I turned around. The nurse did not look at me, perhaps aware that I was dealing with some shit right now I didn’t want broadcasted.
“So no, Zack, OK?”
Zack looked past me and at the nurse. He, too, didn’t say anything at first. Finally, the nurse left the room, and Zack met my eyes. I hated how handsome his eyes were. I hated how locked in I was on him.
“I understand that you have a damn good reason to distrust the Black Reapers, but we’re not the Bernard Boys anymore,” he said. “We’ve all grown up. We’re not the same shitheads, aimlessly wandering through Santa Maria through our adult lives. We’ve grown up. Shit, I’m going to graduate college soon. I’m going to be a professional like you.”
Not quite like me. You won’t be a doctor.But I kept my mouth shut, knowing how arrogant that sounded.
“I’m not asking you to commit to anything other than just grabbing coffee and drinks. Let’s get to know each other a little more than what has happened in this hospital and what happened at the house, shall we?”
His good looks made him more persuasive than he had any right to be. His smile, his eyes, his face…damn, if he wasn’t a former Bernard Boy, I might have given it serious consideration. That I was hesitating at all said so much.
But I hadn’t become a doctor by falling prey to my emotions. I’d gotten this far through cold, rational analysis and understanding. And though people saw me as sweet, kind, and empathetic, that was only once I’d decided to show that side of me. Otherwise, I was cautious, distant, and careful about how I revealed myself.
“I can’t look past what happened back then, nor at the fact that the only reason you guys are even here is because of some awful violence. No, Zack, I cannot. Sorry, but no.”
Zack, to my surprise, simply shrugged, stood up, thanked me, and walked out. Being casual about being in a room he shouldn’t have been was one thing; being casual about being rejected like this…
I didnotwant to fall into the trap of being the girl who wanted what she couldn’t have. That seemed so stereotypical, it was almost insultingly caricature. But yes, I did wonder why he was able to handle the rejection with such ease, with such aplomb. And it didn’t seem faked, either; I had seen guys try to act cool but really burst later. There was none of that with Zack right now.
It really left me wondering if he and the other boys had changed. And as embarrassed as I felt, feeling like I was falling into cliches, I did find myself more curious about someone that apparently was not as attached or curious about me as I had thought.
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