“And after?” Katie said. “After you kill them, what happens?”
I shrugged.
“I don’t think ahead like that,” I said. “These assholes are problematic enough. Almost had a chance to kill one this week but failed.”
And killed his brother instead. Which means they’ll be coming after us even harder.
“Well, maybe it would do you some good to look a bit ahead,” Katie said. “You keep saying you’re not smart enough and that you’re only around for one dark purpose, but I don’t quite buy that. You were once a good kid.”
“A pussy.”
“No,” Katie said. “Maybe a little bit, but all teenage boys are either enormous pussies or gigantic assholes. There’s no in-between. Just because you were one by appearances doesn’t mean you actually were.”
She wrapped her hand around mine. Goddamnit. This was feeling good. I did not fucking like this one bit. I did not enjoy the fact that, well, Iwasliking it.
“Why do you think there’s more to me than you see?” I said.
“Because there is,” Katie said. “I told you, I’ve had far too much experience in dealing with douchebags and assholes. Most of those guys have a problem with arrogance and ego. You don’t. Sure, if I introduced you to my father, he’d be freaked out by the tattoos and scowl. But fuck him. I’m not making my dating decisions on the basis of what my dad wants.”
She scooted closer to me. Her eyes were all but glued to my face. I kept looking straight ahead, mostly because I knew that the instant I looked over at her, I knew it was all over. I knew what I was going to do.
And I wouldn’t be able to stop once I started going down that road.
“You are a good person at heart, Connor,” she said. “You take more aggressive and violent positions than most people. You’re willing to do whatever it takes in the literal sense. Most people just mean that to sound good, but you actually mean it. But think about it. You got burned by a bitch in high school. You built yourself up to avoid getting hurt, like anyone would. You joined a group of guys like you, like anyone would. You vowed to protect a woman, and when she got hurt, you vowed to defend her.”
She smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder. Boy, no one ever acted this way.
No one ever got close enough for me to let it happen. But here I was, doing just that…
“Too many guys talk a big game about how they’d protect their women. They’ll say that they believe in women’s rights or whatever, but the second the prospect of violence begins, they all cower and say to call the cops. Well, when my store is getting fucking robbed, I don’t have time to call the cops. There’s nothing less attractive than a man that tries to get someone else to solve their problems, whether that someone else is the woman, the police, or whomever.”
Ain’t that the fucking truth.
“Connor, I know that if you were with me at the store, and shit went down, you’d take care of it. And I don’t mean that flippantly. You already did that.”
Yeah. With Marco. Who…
Katie grabbed my arm and turned to me. She was still sitting there, but I found my eyes locked on her.
And holy fuck, my heart started to skip some fucking beats.
This was stupid. I shouldn’t have even put myself in this spot. Why I had even told Katie my story…I’d said I’d done it just to tell her once and have it over with, but what if the reasons ran deeper than that? What if I’d wanted to do this all along and just hadn’t had the courage to say it?
And the way that she looked up to me longingly…
I knew everything she said was true. Ironically, I’d been, well, a bit hesitant to admit that I had good aims, no matter how they came. I knew that I would fight to defend the women I cared about.
I just had covered it with the face of an asshole so I wouldn’t have to get close to anyone else again, so I wouldn’t ever have to feel the pain I felt with Rachel and with myself.
But Katie had seen that mask, ripped it right off, and was now staring at me.
And even if I had wanted to resist, I found myself unable to. I was losing control of myself. I was leaning toward Katie, my hands were going to her face, and no matter what part of my brain told me to back out and be cautious, it wasn’t happening.
But what my body was moving to would.
My eyes closed. My hands brushed over her cheeks. I leaned forward.
And I kissed her.
