But it would be with the ultimate goal of making the world a better place for my boy. The day that we made Santa Maria free of the Bandits and free of corruption was the day that I stepped away from the dangers of the club, or at least stepped back. Maybe in a less emotional moment, I would change my mind, but there was no mistaking the fact that what I had just experienced had fundamentally changed me.
“Can I…can I hold him?” I said, almost scared of the moment.
OK, you know what, it was a little terrifying. This was a child I’d helped bring into the world. I wanted to help him have the best life possible, and yet what was I? A fucking outlaw, a biker who had just murdered some people. Some Bandits, sure, but—
“Of course.”
Hannah had no hesitation in handing him to me. Arms shaking, I reached out and took him from her. And as I held him and looked into his eyes, looked at the way his eyes met mine, I knew I’d never seen anything so perfect.
“Oh my God,” I whispered. “I’ve never seen anything so perfect.”
I just smiled. It was all I could do. I struggled to find the words, struggled to even get them out. And finally, I just blurted out what came to my lips next.
“I’m going to be a father forever!”
Hannah laughed through her tears. I felt like dancing a jig in the room. No, this wasn’t something to cry or feel weak over. This was something to fucking celebrate! I had a son! A beautiful, awesome fucking son! He was going to grow up to be a real badass, a real man, a real…a real person. And it had happened because of me!
“Holy shit,” I said, laughing at my good fortune. “Holy shit. Wow. Just…wow. Crazy!”
I handed him back to Hannah, afraid that my celebration would cause me to drop him. It was absurd, of course—I’d sooner crack my skull on the hospital floor than risk dropping him—but still.
“I am so sorry this whole experience wound up being more dramatic than it ever needed to be,” I said. “I wasn’t kidding about anything I said when you gave birth to him.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, and she pulled me in for a kiss.
And I held that kiss for as long as I could until Hannah finally pulled back. And I just transferred that kiss to my little boy’s soft head. He didn’t have much hair at the moment, but you know what? It was only a couple years before that little dude would have a man bun like me. And he was going to rock it around all the other infants and preschoolers and elementary school kids, and he was going to be the fucking coolest kid ever.
“So, do you want to do a shot in celebration?”
“Oh, Garrett,” Hannah said with a laugh. She looked utterly fried, too exhausted to fight back, and yet all the same, she looked like she was in heaven. “Let’s get back to my place after we make sure he’s good. And then we can head home.”
“And then shots?”
Hannah smirked.
“Of champagne. I can’t be getting drunk off of vodka anymore.”
“I know, baby,” I said. “I’ll probably have some of my own in the future, but you know what? I’ll always come home to you. Always.”
There was something else I was on the verge of saying. Something else that would have felt absurd to consider even a few hours ago. But seeing her as the mother of my child, seeing how she still accepted me and took me in, even after all of the nonsense that had happened through the months…
Well, I felt a certain way about her.
But I wanted to tell her how I felt when we weren’t surrounded by doctors and nurses whose names I hadn’t bothered to learn. I wanted to tell her when we were in the privacy of her home—our home, if she would let me. I didn’t want to live apart from her. I wanted us to become one. One couple. One family.
“Do you have a name for the boy?” the doctor said.
Oh, shit, I haven’t even—
“Charles Jett Marks,” Hannah said. “After my father.”
It’s perfect.
I didn’t care that we hadn’t had a discussion about it. If it made Hannah happy, it made me happy. And if it honored the man who had brought Hannah into this world, that was good enough for me.
“By the way,” Hannah said. “Where the hell is my brother? He hasn’t answered his phone. And how the hell did you manage to wind up here right at the right moment?”
“Eh, funny story, that,” I said. “We were taking care of some club business, and, well, things got a little hairy. Your brother is getting treatment—he’s fine, don’t worry, just some wounds—and the doctor accidentally let it slip that there were two Jetts at the hospital. I figured you weren’t here because you were saying hi to a friend, so I sprinted over here.”
