My breath hitched. I…I…
“I don’t know,” I finally said. “But I think the desire is there. We’ve…we’ve had our moments.”
“All right, thanks.”
And without so much as saying goodbye, my brother hung up. I looked at the phone again in confusion.
It was the calmest I think I had ever heard Mason, especially as it related to this whole situation. It was also the first time in which he’d expressed open-mindedness about it all and had not rushed to kick Garrett’s ass. What had changed?
But that wasn’t a question I was too desperate to pursue, because frankly, I was just grateful for what had happened. Maybe Garrett and I would have the space to explore. Maybe we’d finally get a chance to see if we could be a long-term thing.
Maybe…
I smiled, shaking my head. Mason would never hug Garrett and say how proud of him he was or that he loved him—too gruff, had been through too much in life to be a big softy like that—but this might as well have been the equivalent of that for someone without the horrific backstory we had. It—
I felt a pop.
And a couple seconds later, I felt something trickle down my legs.
And without having to consciously think about it, I knew what had happened.
It was too early. It was way too early. I had at least another few weeks to go! Why, why…this couldn’t be…I wasn’t ready…
Yeah, some magazine told me it could conceivably happen this early and not be an extreme emergency. But so what! They didn’t consider my situation. My problems. My…my…
My mind was racing. I couldn’t give birth alone. I couldn’t have a child come into this world without Garrett or Mason there.OK, calm down. He’s not going to just slide out right now. You probably have at least a few hours. Call someone.
I started by calling Mason back. I figured from the background noise he was at the clubhouse, and since he’d just called me, he’d likely have his phone on him. But I started to get really nervous after three dial tones, and sure enough, it went straight to voicemail. I didn’t bother to say anything, instead calling Garrett.
One ring…
Two rings…
He’s not going to pick up, is he?
Three rings…
I can’t be doing this. I can’t be alone all over again. Not for something like this!
Four rings…
Goddamnit, guys, come on!
Five rings…
No…
It went to voicemail. I let the automated message system speak for a bit, but I…it didn’t feel right to say that I was about to give birth on a voicemail. But what other fucking option did I have?
I called them both back a second time. If I was hoping for a miracle, life wasn’t in the mood to provide it just yet. I sat on the couch, one hand on my belly, wondering what the hell I was going to do.
The same as when Mom and Dad died. You’re going to have to take care of things yourself for now.
This isn’t about you anymore. It’s about the baby.
That thought should have reassured me, but it just left me overwhelmed. There was so much I didn’t know. I didn’t even know the sex of the child! I’d wanted to keep that a secret so I could be surprised at birth, but now I was just feeling in the dark about something that I was pretty sure all other couples—or women, rather—would have figured out by now. And that was just the easy part.
I’d barely practiced putting on diapers. Was I too stressed to breastfeed? Oh my God. I was so young…I didn’t know…
