“We will control this town.”
Brock’s smile faded.
“I wish I had your conviction and confidence, Steele.”
No, you don’t.
You have to have it when the people who are supposed to love you don’t.
You have to show it when you’re not even sure you actually have it yourself.
* * *
Saturday Night
It was about half an hour before midnight, and the party had officially reached “drunk and wild” status.
Despite my fears that the party would turn into a bunch of dudes metaphorically circle-jerking each other while talking about sports and bikes, there actually were only about four guys besides the six of us that showed up, and one of them was the prospect Connor had brought in before. And even then, we could have had another three guys show up before the number would have been out of whack.
I had to give credit to Garrett: as much as we ripped on the guy for having no standards and no boundaries, the man could gather a crowd of beautiful women when called upon. A full dozen girls had come, all but two of them dressed in skimpy outfits, their arms around some of the guys, their hips near some of the guys, and alcohol in their hand. It was a sight that reminded me of the few college parties that I had crashed, and it made me feel like if I ever desired rejoining the wild side of life, I could.
Just one problem with that.
The two girls who were not dressed like whores?
Tara and Elizabeth Rogers.
Tara, Elizabeth, and Brock had started out as just a sort of mini circle, a healthy distance away from me, though I found myself looking over at them more than I would have ever admitted to myself, much less anyone else. By the time eleven o’clock had hit, though, Tara had consumed enough alcohol that her flirtation was becoming more overt, less caring that her sister was next to her and that I was in viewing distance. Not that she cared, but Brock had said…
Anyway, it didn’t matter. I kept noticing Elizabeth looking like she would have rather been anywhere but here. She checked her phone constantly, looked around at the room with disdain, and sipped on her alcohol to try and give the illusion of enjoying herself.Funny, I’m doing much the same thing.
“Yo, Steele!”
I pulled out of my funk to see Garrett with two girls more or less climbing over him.
“You want one of these ladies? This is…Renee and this is…you know what, you can learn her name; it’ll be your icebreaker!”
I looked at the two girls. I looked back at Elizabeth, seeing her eyes observing my actions. I felt…
I shook my head and stood up.
“I want a moment of peace,” I said as I grabbed my beer and trudged toward the garage door, ignoring Garrett’s questions on if I had had my dick castrated recently.
I went to the rear of the shop, plopped down right on the ground, and stared out straight ahead. One of the few perks of living in Santa Maria was the ease of seeing the stars up above. The challenge of finding constellations and planets, amusingly enough, was that the visibility was so good, it felt like trying to pick out specific M&Ms out of a large bag’s worth.
I was no stargazer, but between seeing my best friend and his ex make out like middle school lovers or gazing wistfully at the stars, wishing that my mother didn’t act so bitterly to the world, wishing that the rest of my family was still here, wishing that I could just let go a little…
Maybe I wasn’t so sure what I wanted. Maybe I was just destined to oscillate between extreme social control freak and extreme detached and brooding.
“Tired of feeling like the third wheel?”
What the hell? Elizabeth?
I looked up to see the curvier Rogers girl standing with a solo cup in her hand, looking at me with something of an empathetic smile. I sighed. My “worst fears” were playing out right now.
“Tired of being reminded of when I was one of the main wheels,” I said.
Elizabeth smiled and said “aw,” but I took a sip of my beer. My eyes remained straight ahead at the stars above the horizon as I spoke.
