Cole
“What the fuck is this, Cole?”
Lane spoke with a laugh, probably because the alternative was to launch into a fully justified tirade about how I had kept hidden the fact that I was housing the daughter of Lucius Sartor.
“I asked you a question, Cole. What the fuck is this?”
“This, this is…”
“I know who she is,” Lane said. “I’m not an idiot. I know the Sartors better than I do any family other than our own. I know she’s Lilly.”
Lilly stepped aside, retreating back to the couch. I glanced over quickly enough to see her curled up against the far edge, her arms over her legs, almost like she was in an upright fetal position. I did not fear Lane hurting her, but I knew shit was about to get really ugly.
“I mean, what the fuck is this whole situation, Cole?” Lane said, all the humor gone from his voice. “You fucking lied to me. You fucking lied!”
“I did not lie!” I said. I waved Lane in, just in case any Saints were nearby. But that was not a gesture of peace or apology as much as it was practical. “I told you first that I was frustrated I did not find Lucius. And then I told you I was frustrated…”
I stopped. I was trying to defend myself when even I knew how flimsy and full of shit those statements were.
“I’m sorry, Cole, I didn’t realize this was a fucking courtroom and I had to be so precise,” Lane said. “You did not fucking tell me the whole truth. I think the fact that you are... shall I put delicately, housing the daughter of the devil should say it all!”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lilly... do absolutely nothing. Even she agreed with Lane’s assessment.
“Do you realize how pissed off Lucius would be if he knew you had her?” Lane said. “Do you know how fucking angry he’d get? He’s barely hanging on by a thread right now, Cole. He’s a madman held together by some sense of self-preservation. What the fuck do you think is going to happen when self-preservation gets overtaken by madness?”
“You want the fucking truth?” I said. “The fucking truth is, I had to rescue her the first night. Because she was trying to run away from Lucius. She was not trying to set a trap. She was fucking terrified of him. And there was no fucking way that we were going to get to Lucius at his place; he was too well protected. And yes, I could have told you the truth. But you know what? I was taking her to the train station in Los Angeles so she’d never have to be a part of this world. So why should it fucking matter?”
I expected Lane’s fury to increase, for his anger to rise to the boiling point, for him to again threaten me with excommunication or some other nonsense.
Instead, Lane’s eyes actually looked like they were watering.
“It matters because I thought we were building something, Cole,” he said. “I’m not perfect, far from it. I carry a lot of weight because of my arrogance, much of which is still there. But at least I know I’m fucking up. At least I am making efforts to make amends when I do fuck up. Why did you disappear for a year if you’re still going to keep secrets and then get pissed and jealous? How the fuck can I trust you in combat when I can’t trust you to tell me the truth?”
God, that hurt.
He was right.
How could I have disappeared for a year, thinking I was using the distance to become my own man, and instead, I’d become this? Sure, Lane was no hero. He was no angel. But fuck... I wasn’t either. I wasn’t the “good brother pushed away by the asshole.” I was just as much the asshole.
“We’re near the end of the war with the Saints, at a time when a lot of people are going to die, and it still feels like the same old story,” Lane said, biting his lip and pausing to collect himself. “You never told me how you felt about Shannon. You never told me how you felt like the ignored brother with Dad. You never tell me these things, and then I’m forced to figure out the truth for myself. I have a little more awareness now than I did when I thought you murdered Shannon, but—”
“You know I didn’t kill her.”
“Cole, that’s not the point.”
I knew it wasn’t. I was just... I didn’t know. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
“How the fuck can I trust you to fight Lucius when you’re sleeping with his daughter?”
There was a lot of justified anger Lane had, but I was not going to let him fucking besmirch Lilly’s name. She was a part of this, but she was not responsible for anything.
“Don’t you dare fucking assume anything,” I said. “Did you not fucking listen when I said she wanted to get away from her father? Do you not get it that she wants him…?”
I couldn’t finish my words.
“Dead?” Lane said. “Lilly, do you want your father dead?”
She didn’t say a word.
