Lilly
Ifelt free.
I felt like my life was finally my own.
No, not just that.
I finally felt like the air I was breathing was not occupied by someone else.
I finally felt like the space I could move in was not watched by someone else.
I finally felt like the decisions I would make wouldn’t have to be approved by someone else.
I finally felt like my mind…
Was not, unfortunately, completely free of my father’s influence. I knew he would be looking for me. I knew his men would be looking for me. Maybe even Cole and his club of bikers would be looking for me.
But you know what?
I didn’t really care about how free or not free my mind was. I had the freedom of space and movement, freedoms that I had never really had before. The mind could wait; the body needed to explore.
Oh, how fresh air tasted after being confined for over twenty years! How wonderful it felt to jaywalk across a street with no traffic! How amazing and liberating it was to know that if I wanted to go into a store and get some bagels, I wouldn’t first need my father’s approval to make sure that the store wasn’t affiliated with the Black Reapers or any other enemy.
I could do whatever I wanted. And even though, truth be told, it wasn’t like I had a huge list of things I wanted to do, just knowing I could do those things or anything…
My life and my actions probably wouldn’t differ that much from when I was at home, but the very fact that I had the option to be free and live as I wished was powerful. It made me feel like... like something that, even though my age suggested was true, my mind hadn’t acknowledged until now.
Like an adult.
I strolled through “downtown” Ashton, which was really just one main street with a couple of perpendicular streets with a couple of businesses here and there. I started my day by grabbing a bacon-and-egg bagel sandwich at a local shop, Benny’s, only to realize the math didn’t add up to me lasting long with the money I had. But I vowed to myself that I would cross that financial bridge when I got there; not that I would not care about money or not take it seriously, just that I would stay present for now.
I saw a clothing store, perhaps the one place that I didn’t need to express my newfound freedom. Dad, being a man who didn’t want to know things, had just given me a couple hundred bucks each month to buy clothes and let me run free.
I saw a pizza place, a Mexican restaurant, and a pool hall that had not yet opened. I saw a couple of government buildings, a post office, and a book store. I walked into the book store, said hello to an older lady behind the desk, and browsed.
I wasn’t exactly cut off from information, as we did have the internet at my house. But this freedom, the ability to sit down at a desk and just read for hours on end... my Lord, why had it taken me until now to try and run away?
Because you know what your father would—will—do if—when—he gets you back.
I grabbed a fantasy novel, sat down on a couch, and just started reading. I lost myself in this world of make-believe, dragons, wizards, and magic; I felt drawn in to a place where I didn’t have a curfew, didn’t have to check in with my father.
Out of some curiosity, I checked my phone. I had no missed calls, no texts. Maybe my father had finally wised up and realized he’d lost me because of his hulking, inescapable presence.
Or maybe he’d just gotten himself wrapped up in some stupid club drama and hadn’t called me yet.
Or it’s because Cole disabled the phone, remember?
Might as well take advantage of the freedom for a bit.
I read that fantasy novel for about thirty pages before the elderly woman behind the counter asked me if I was going to purchase that book. Not wanting to spend any more money than I had to—and aware of the fact that I’d have to keep it if I wanted to get the hell out of town—I put the book back, apologized, and walked out. She gave me one of those business-polite smiles, the kind that would vanish the second I turned my back.
But as fucked up as it sounded, it was better than having the smile vanish when you were facing someone directly. Most especially because I was used to that smile very quickly turning into violent, bitter anger.
I headed outside. Tired of not having a working phone, one that could give me maps and a direction to go in, I pulled it out, remembered the instructions Cole had given me, and tried to put the chip back in. It was a mess, and I wasn’t sure I’d done it right.
But when I pulled up my maps, everything came up as it should have. It was good enough for now.
I came to a fountain near one of the government buildings, the kind that people threw pennies in while making a wish. There was but one other person around, someone eating a sandwich en route somewhere, leaving me by myself. I sat down at the edge of the fountain, let my body relax, and smiled.
