He was our only hope.
He... I didn’t just want Father Marcellus to live. I fuckingneededhim to.
“Doctor!”
The world around me started to feel like a tunnel; the only thing I could see was Father Marcellus having no response in the operating room. I could hear doctors panicking, nurses shouting, chaos working to save him.
“Goddamnit, come on!” I yelled.
I was fighting a losing cause, even if I refused to admit it to myself. Father needed to hold on to life, to fight, to find the strength within, to just…
To just…
And then everyone in the operating room took a step back.
I looked at his heart rate monitor.
It had flatlined.
I looked at his face—peaceful, almost content.
It did not move.
It was over.
He’s gone…
I had lost another father.
“No!” I screamed as I pounded the glass again. “No! No! Goddamnit, no! Fucking no!”
The tears started to form in my eyes. I couldn’t... this couldn’t... we... we...
I pressed my face into my arms and began to sob. The only thing in my world right now was myself and the club chaplain on the other side of the glass. The Black Reapers, the hospital staff... they all just disappeared.
“I’m sorry, Father,” I said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. Couldn’t... I just couldn’t...”
I sobbed for what felt like an hour, even if it was probably only a minute. My body wouldn’t stop shaking. How shitty was my luck that I had lost both of the fathers in my life? Both of the teachers in my life?
I thought I’d felt alone after Jess had said she was moving away, but that was nothing, a childish feeling of being alone. I could find another woman with ease. This... this made me feel truly alone.
I had no family. No kids. No mentors.
It was up to me. But I didn’t even have the strength to lift myself up, let alone carry the weight Father Marcellus thought I could handle.
What the fuck was I going to do?
I finally rose from my arms. I looked around and saw Lane and Patriot dabbing at their eyes. Axle and Butch had their arms crossed, but even they were fighting like hell to contain their emotions.
“I’m sorry, Phoenix,” Lane said, his words blubbering.
He looked like he wanted to pull me in for a hug, but honestly, I was just numb. It didn’t even have anything to do with being in a different club or any other nonsense like that. I just...
It was like my body couldn’t accept this particular loss, and so it had chosen to just shut down. All feeling, all sadness... the only thing that could bring it back was looking at the chaplain’s lifeless body. Otherwise, I really was like a purposeless, meaningless zombie, filling the halls of the hospital.
I looked back at Father Marcellus. It made no sense. He wasn’t supposed to be like this.
So, I thought of him alive. I thought of his most recent words. His last words.
