“How about dating? Have you been able to meet anyone?”
“Oh, nah.”
“Dad?”
I knew that of all the topics my father didn’t want to talk about... but of all the topics my father did need to talk about...
“I haven’t really put myself back out there, to be frank,” he said. “I’m afraid of getting hurt, mostly by my own actions. So, I don’t. Or if I do, I find an excuse to end it before it gets serious, even when I think it has potential.”
Even when I think it has potential...
Like father, like daughter…
“What about you?” he said. “You’ve grown into a beautiful woman. I’m sure the men out here are throwing themselves at you.”
“Hah, don’t be ridiculous, Dad,” I said. “I work as a bartender here. Any girl working as a bartender is going to get hit on. But, to answer your question...”
Was I actually going to answer his question? To do so just seemed... it didn’t seem natural to be talking about dating with my father. But, then again, talking at all with my father, let alone having him in my actual house, didn’t feel very natural either!
And I’d already mentioned Phoenix before.
“There was the one guy I mentioned on the phone...”
Yeah, just talk about it.
“Really funny and charming. Sweet guy. Like I told you, I mentioned recently that I was thinking about moving, and as soon as that happened, it was like I broke his heart.”
“Are you still planning to move?”
I hesitated for a split second.
“Look, it doesn’t matter, actually,” he said. “It sounds like he doesn’t want anything to do with you now?”
I grimaced.
“I still think he’s a great guy.”
“And if he came back to apologize, do you think you’d forgive him?”
Oh yes. Absolutely.
“Probably.”
My dad sighed.
“Jess, your old man doesn’t know a lot of things, but one thing he does know is that he loves you very much and supports you in whatever you do. I’m sorry I haven’t always done that and haven’t always been there for you, but I swear to you, from here on out, I have your back in whatever you do.”
Such a simple statement, I felt, shouldn’t have had such a profound impact on me.
But as soon as I heard those words, I immediately felt like if I saw Phoenix again, however it turned out, I would feel fine. I didn’t need the validation of a man of any kind to make myself feel whole; I finally had that from my father, and his was unconditional.
In a way, maybe it would make my relationship with Phoenix even better—if it ever came back to that.
And if it did not, well, my father had just given me something that Phoenix never could have, or likely never could have.
“Thanks, Dad.”
Our conversation shifted to far lighter topics, and we spent the next several hours just chatting away about everything from the last time he’d been to Disneyland to what my favorite type of customer was. But lurking in the back of my mind, underlining everything that happened, was a sense of relief and confidence that I’d been searching for far too long. It was certainly better late than never.
And wherever Phoenix was, whatever he was doing, I hoped that he was having that too.
Who knew?
Maybe things weren’t so dead after all.
