He’s right. I don’t like that.
But let’s hear him out.
“I will forever feel ashamed that I pushed you to run away when you did, but the one thing it did was that it turned you into a woman far faster than most girls. You’ll always be my little girl, yes, but to the world and to yourself, you have been a woman for far longer than most people your age. If I try to tell you what to do, I can only do it based on incomplete information and assumptions. But rather than tell you what to do, maybe this old geezer can tell you what not to do.”
He cleared his throat.
“Don’t run away from your problems, whatever they are. And running doesn’t have to literally mean physically moving; it could mean emotionally or psychologically distancing yourself. Face whatever problems you have head-on, and don’t make the mistake I’ve made for more than a decade. Don’t... don’t let your fear stop you. You’ll be scared no matter what. I’m an adult and I get scared just having this conversation with you. But thanks to you, you pulled me out of my stupor and got me to have this actual conversation. So, I’ll return the favor. Face the ugly truths. And then, with the knowledge you already have, you’ll know what the right thing is. You already know what to do. You just have to let yourself hear it.”
You know, for someone who hasn’t been a part of my life very much, you sure do know a thing or two, Dad.
“Oh, and maybe come and visit your old man from time to time.”
Finally, my father cracked a joke that actually made me want to laugh.
“I’m sure I can arrange that, Dad.”
From there, the conversation shifted to lighter topics about the weather and sports, but even after we’d hung up, I found myself thinking long and hard about what my father had said. I needed to face the challenges. I needed to face the difficulties confronting me.
I needed... I needed to face what had happened with Phoenix. Even if he was mostly at fault, I needed to explain myself to him. I needed to honestly tell him why I was moving away.
I was so exhausted I wanted to just sink into the couch and not get up until the following day. Getting to my bed would require an inordinate amount of energy. But to just dial...
I called Phoenix. I put him on speakerphone.
But he did not answer.
I decided I had done enough thinking for the night. I had emotionally exhausted myself, but at least I had turned it around for a good reason. More phone calls would come, and more decisions would be made.
I still didn’t know what I would do. But at least now, I finally knew what I needed not to do, and that was as good an outcome as this day could have asked for.
