Phoenix
Athousand thoughts ran through my head after asking the question I’d meant to ask Jess, and not a whole lot of them were good.
I had come in when she was alone. I had...
I had come in and done what I needed to do. I needed to stop fucking beating myself up like I was the whipping boy for Jess and start acting like the man that my father once was. I needed to be calm, speak wisely, and not act like a supplicating idiot.
In short, just as Jess said, I could honor and love my father. I just needed to honor and love the side of him that was actually good and not the one that had caused so much pain and heartache.
“What do I say,” Jess repeated. “Do I want to give this another shot?”
Rationally, I was almost sure the answer was yes. And the immediate thought was,“Of course she wants to give me a fucking shot. I’m Phoenix. One bad day doesn’t change a damn thing about that.”But the second, quieter thought was,“She doesn’t owe you shit.”
“If you promise not to act the way that you did on Sunday, sure,” Jess said as she leaned forward. Her choice of shirt, a T-shirt, revealed no cleavage, but it wasn’t hard to imagine her curves underneath that outfit. “Just make sure you actually talk to me instead of just being there.”
And just like that, the quiet voice at the back of the room, the one that had so much doubt about whether or not I could make it work with Jess, had been removed. The confident, self-assured voice had taken its proper place at the front, and now I felt like Phoenix, the Sergeant-at-Arms of the club, not Austin Smith Jr., the quiet, awkward guy.
“You don’t have a thing to worry about, Jess,” I said, raising my beer in salute. “You got all the bad out of the way, so now it’s going to only be good.”
“Only, really?” Jess said, playfully arching an eyebrow at me. “Mighty strong words for someone I had to walk out on.”
“They’re strong because I can back them up,” I said, taking a sip of my beer.
“Well, just to make sure that they are truly strong and not just bravado after me saying yes,” Jess said slowly, reaching down for something.
I was very curious what she was doing, for she was deliberately slowing the pace of her words down, as if wanting to see how I’d react. I figured a challenge of some kind was coming, but really, what was the worst—
“I’m not going to let myself be available until Sunday.”
Damn!
“You’re going to make me wait that long?” I said in surprise.
“Uh-huh,” Jess said with far more confidence than even I had. “I want to see you, of course. But if I just go out with you right now, what does that prove? Nothing. So, let’s see you wait. Let’s see you get through this next little spell. And then let’s see how you are on Sunday.”
I chuckled and took a sip of my Blue Moon, waiting for her to crack. I waited... and waited... and waited... and waited some more...
She’s not going to crack, is she?
“You’re actually serious,” I said.
“Mmhmm,” she said. “I’ve been around you boys long enough to know how bikers are. When the adrenaline gets going, there’s no stopping or slowing you down. Right now, I bet your adrenaline is pumping. Because I know you like me. Good news for you is, you can know I like you.”
And then she leaned back from the bar, pressing her back against the wall.
“But I’ve seen so many dates and relationships play out in this spot, Phoenix. I see that when people rush back into giving something a shot, without giving time both for deliberate thought and for surprising thoughts to come, it almost always fails. They get their asses handed to them. So, if you prefer, think of it as our ‘abundance of caution’ move.”
I was truly dumbfounded.
Jess was a charming and playful girl behind the bar, but that’s how she was for the sake of tips and drinks. Out in the open, she was a little less charming, but she was still playful and sweet; it was less of an act for the job and more just her true self.
But damn, I did not expect this to happen.
Honestly, I kind of thought she was doing it as a bit of a power play, like she knew by her doing this, she had me by the balls. She probably knew, given that this was the only watering hole in town, that I had no other opportunities with women, at least no other serious ones.Maybe she’s seeing how I act Friday at my party.
Oh, hell, Phoenix, you’re overthinking it. She probably has her own things to think about.
“OK, OK,” I said, nodding my head with a smile. If she thought she was going to have the upper hand, then little did she know two could play that game. “You watch. I’ll be patient. I’ll wait. And then, when Sunday comes around, you’re going to wish you hadn’t made me wait that long. You’re going to see what an engaged, happy Phoenix looks like.”
