My makeup was on point. It was more than I had on at work, but not nearly as much as I had put on the last time we’d planned to meet at Joe’s Java. I didn’t want to make myself out like I had then. That was a desperate Rose trying to be whatever LeCharles wanted her to be. I was now a well-grounded Rose, happy with myself. He knew what my body looked like, so he didn’t need any more hints about that.
He just didn’t know what my mind and my life looked like since. I was sure that would come up in conversation at some point, but I was prepared to face up to that. I had done plenty of embracing and accepting of my own past, so sharing it with LeCharles wouldn’t be hard.
I emerged from the bathroom at Joe’s Java about two minutes to seven, only to see that he had already arrived. He was wearing his club cut, but beneath that, instead of a casual t-shirt, he had on a button-down white shirt. He looked so damn handsome in that, and he even had trimmed some of his facial hair. It was a good thing he hadn’t shaved it all, though. That would have looked a little ridiculous.
“Hey,” I said, going up and embracing him in a hug.
The hug lasted quite a few seconds as we continued our dialogue.
“You look great.”
“You look better,” I shot back. “Look at you, wearing a button-down shirt.”
“I have been known to dress nicely from time to time,” he cracked. “Let’s have a seat.”
Finally, we pulled back from each other. I didn’t want to speak on LeCharles’ behalf, but I swore that the predominant emotion that described him right now was “nervous.” I didn’t think a man who had served overseas and who ran in a motorcycle club would get nervous, but the way that he hugged me and the vibe that he gave was nervousness. It was definitely more than a little surprising.
If I was being honest, it was a little alarming, but it was early in the date, and I was sure he would settle down at some point. If he didn’t, then maybe LeCharles had changed, but not for the better.
“So, if you don’t mind me getting right to the meat of things,” he said. “Why did things just utterly fall apart at the end of our relationship?”
I knew I’d told LeCharles this the last time we had met at Joe’s Java, but I decided to let it slide. It wasn’t really fair for me to hold him accountable for that time when neither one of us had really been in the right state of mind.
“Life was just beating me down from every possible angle,” I said. “Dad got sick. MCAT stress was getting to me. I took it out on you. You took it out on me. And then, well, we broke up.”
I sighed.
“It actually carried through a lot longer than that. I’m not blaming you for this, but you wanted to know more about me? Well, I got into med school, but it was some small, no-name med school that I immediately regretted going to. I dropped out after the first semester, not wanting to spend another dime there, but I knew the very act of dropping out was incredibly deleterious to my future. I tried to get back into it, but I was so ashamed of myself and so embarrassed that the next round of med school applications went just as poorly. I didn’t improve my MCAT score, didn’t write better essays, nothing.
“Maybe a couple years after, I gave up on the idea of being a doctor. I had just screwed myself up too much to do it. It sucked, but I still wanted to get involved in healing others. At first, I bounced around a couple jobs, but eventually, I settled on veterinary school in Salt Lake City.”
But...
“But I didn’t have a good head on my shoulders, because I was still processing my father’s death. Vet school was so hard, and I felt so alone. I drank too much. I partied too much. I had to drop out because of poor grades. And what’s awful is Shiloh, my dog, was there right around that time. I should have at least kept it together for him, if for no one else. But... ”
I sighed.
“The only place I could get vet work of any kind was back here because I had interned one summer while trying to figure out if I wanted to go into the vet field.”
“How come you didn’t reach out then?”
I smiled.
“Truth be told, I was kind of seeing someone else then. It never led to anything serious, and... ”
I chuckled.
“I thought about it. I really did. But I felt like if I spoke to you and met up with you, that would somehow be hurting the relationship I was in at the time.”
“Makes sense.”
“But yeah, that’s why I am where I am today.”
LeCharles took a few seconds to process everything I had said. Hell, I needed a few seconds to process everything that I had said. I hadn’t told the full story to anyone before, and even that had only been a very quick cliff note worth of a story. It wasn’t the kind of thing where I held him in rapt attention for hours on end.
That wasn’t what I wanted to do, anyway. I just wanted to get the story out so we could move forward.
“Well, I’m glad you’re back,” he said.
