“You’re not wrong,” he said. “I don’t know... your return has brought back a lot of old feelings for me.”
“Some good, some bad.”
It wasn’t a question. We were experiencing the same thing.
“Exactly,” he said. “And now, after tonight... it’s just, when you looked at me, I knew something was going to happen. I just kind of figured we could do it and figure things out in the morning.”
I snorted with a smile. That was such a male response—it was so stereotypical. I was not sure that LeCharles could have produced a more predictable masculine response. Fuck now, think later.
But it wasn’t the kind of thing that I was going to hold against him. It didn’t make him a bad guy, and it didn’t even make him just “another guy.” If I were in his shoes, I probably would have reacted the same way. It was the most masculine response possible.
“We can figure things out in the morning,” I said. “But let’s take everything else slow, okay?”
LeCharles nodded. I kissed him on the cheek one more time before I worked with him to pull up the covers. We huddled underneath, nearly naked but not quite. Far from feeling deprived of sexual satisfaction, far from feeling frustrated, I felt something much more important and much more rewarding, at least beyond the immediate moment of release.
I felt empowered.
* * *
Despite having drunk as much as I had, despite all of the nightmare that the previous day was, despite nearly getting gang-raped by the Fallen Saints, I slept better than I had in weeks in that bed.
LeCharles’ chest, of course, provided quite the pillow. But at some point, before we both fell asleep, he had to get up to the bathroom, and when he did, I just wound up cuddling with my pillow. He came back, but I didn’t need his body to fall asleep. Just having his presence in my apartment was enough.
No, that was giving him too much credit.
Having my strength back was enough.
I wasn’t a fool enough to believe that I had suddenly gone from a weak, supplicant woman into Wonder Woman, nor was I a fool enough to believe that my problems would just vanish overnight. I would probably have to get a second job very soon, I’d have to figure out a routine revolved around Shiloh, and the situation with LeCharles was undoubtedly going to involve future fights and unexpected problems.
But for now, just knowing that I was looking up at my future instead of down at it was awe-inspiring enough.
When I woke up, I saw LeCharles sitting on the bed, his left leg resting on his right thigh as he put a sock on. I murmured loudly, trying to get him to look back at me. He paused for a moment and turned to look at me.
His guard was back up.
Damnit. Okay, I should have predicted this. I should have known that this might happen.
“You sleep well?”
It seemed like an innocuous enough question. But I knew if LeCharles was going to turn into the monster he’d acted like before, any question could be twisted into something vile in no time.
“Well enough.”
So not a monster, but not exactly loving and tender.
“You’re getting ready to leave right now, aren’t you?”
Good to see I’m still as honest as I was last night with a little bit of alcohol and a lot of lust in me.
LeCharles simply nodded and continued to put his clothes on.
“You’re not going to talk about it?”
LeCharles sighed.
“I think we talked plenty about it last night,” he said. “Not sure what more there is to say.”
That’s bullshit, and you know it. There’s plenty more to talk about.But LeCharles was in one of those states where saying anything more was awkward and potentially explosive, and so I just sighed.
