“I’m fine,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
Only one of those statements was true, and it wasn’t the one about being fine. I never liked bringing my personal business into the club. I had a lot of brothers, but I didn’t have a lot of friends. I kept things like Rose on the down-low. The only reason I’d even mentioned it with Butch was that, well, he was somehow on the down-low too.Hopefully, not too down-low.
“Okay, well—”
“I’m fine, Lane,” I said as I rose. “I’ll take care of myself. Let me know if Jerome needs anything.”
With that, I departed, preferring to let Lane believe that whatever was affecting me, it wasn’t a big deal, and it would pass in time.
Too bad I couldn’t say for sure if it actually would or not.
Rose
Two Days Later
Istood before the mirror in my bathroom, evaluating the outfit that I chosen. It was a pink dress with a hint of a v-shaped opening at the top, but not nearly as revealing as I would have worn in my younger days. I thought it conveyed just the appropriate amount of sexiness without crossing the line and making someone think that I was trying to sleep with them.
Of course, this wasn’t just “someone.” This was a date—no, not a date, just a meeting, I had to remind myself—with none other than LeCharles Williamson. I had finally gotten what I had hoped to achieve all this time.
And now I was acting like a middle schooler going on her first date, and I had no idea how the hell to handle myself.
I mean, I did know how to dress and act, I wasn’t a total idiot. But my emotions were running so high, and my mind was racing so much, that there was just no chance of me making any sense of what advice I needed to follow and which advice I needed to stay away from.
“Can you believe it, Shiloh?” I said.
My dog sat just outside the bathroom, dutifully watching me as I finished getting ready. It was very obvious what he wanted—a walk—but it was also very obvious, even to him, that he wasn’t going to get it, not tonight. I had more important things, and I knew that I could always take him for a walk later in the night, even if it wasn’t the safest part of town.
“It’s actually happening, Shiloh,” I said. “Granted, we’re just going to a coffee shop. Nothing more. He made me promise no alcohol, but still! Who needs to be drunk when you’re this excited, right?”
Calm down. You’re not going to accomplish anything if you’re not clearheaded. There was a reason it ended, and if you forget that reason...
Me.
How could I forget the reason was me?
It was both of you. Stand up for yourself a little.
But all of the thoughts, all of the logic, it wasn’t sticking. I just told myself to be present as best as I could. I finally finished getting ready, bent over to kiss Shiloh, and patted his head.
“You be a good boy and watch this apartment, okay?” I said. “I’ve got to go make things right and atone for my past. I made some bad decisions before you were around. Let’s make sure no more terrible ones happen, okay?”
Shiloh looked at me with love. It was all of the confidence-boosting I needed. With one more kiss, I hurried out the door, locked it as Shiloh acted like he was coming with me—maybe he would someday—and hurried down to my car. I pulled out of the parking lot of the apartment complex so fast, I nearly hit someone. The guy yelled at me and told me to watch the fuck where I was going. It was a rather inauspicious start to the night, but once I hit the road, I finally felt free.
As I drove to the coffee shop on the west side of town, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to ride a motorcycle to our destination. Perhaps that was a bit silly on my part, considering how obnoxious I found the damn things. And yet, if LeCharles liked them...
I pulled up to the coffee shop, Joe’s Java. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that whatever I was feeling, he probably was too. I also needed to remind myself this was not a date, but a chance to apologize and try and make things right. If the feelings organically developed into something more, that would be one thing, but to come in assuming that something romantic would develop was far too presumptuous.
I couldn’t see LeCharles from my vantage point in the car. I got out, walked to the window as slowly as I could, trying to see if I could catch sight of him beforehand. I probably should have gotten the hint he wasn’t there by the fact there were no motorcycles, but I didn’t notice it until I scanned the entire coffee shop.
I wasn’t discouraged in the slightest, though. I went up to the counter, ordered a green tea, and sat down, fiddling with my phone. He was probably just caught in traffic.Traffic in a town this small? You mean he hit every red light instead of all the green lights?
I ignored the voice in my head as the clock ticked forward ten minutes, fifteen minutes, twenty minutes...
Thirty minutes…
He’s not coming. He set this up to show you up.
My initial reaction, as bad as it sounds, was to say that I deserved this. I’d treated him so poorly that karma all but dictated I suffer some consequences accordingly. Perhaps him showing up late—or not at all—was his way of saying, “See how you hurt me? This is how it felt. I hope you feel the same thing I felt.”
