I couldn’t say another word. I was feeling so humiliated by this act I had just done, this self-inflicted wound, that I stormed out of the bar, feeling tears rising, as Lane called out to me. I didn’t turn back to face him. I couldn’t turn back to face him, even as I knew full well this wasn’t going to be the last time we ever saw each other.
When I finally did get to the car, I found myself bursting into tears. What good was it to honor the memory of my best friend when I had come this close to sleeping with her boyfriend? What good would it do to solve her murder when I was romantically entangled with one of the major players in the crime?
The answer was simple. It wouldn’t do any fucking good. It didn’t do any good, goddamnit!
What good did any of it do, really? My job was to bring justice through the system of law, not seduce the enemy, but my own boss was resisting me doing my job! Okay, yes, fine, granted, I was beginning to believe the Black Reapers were not primarily responsible, but I knew that if they were, if investigations had turned up that they were, Beth wouldn’t have allowed it. She would have stonewalled me just like she had at the beginning and even threatened to fire me.
Fuck this. My life was out of control. My frustration at not being able to give my best friend what she deserved...
I couldn’t do it.I’m sorry, Shannon. But I can’t help you. I’m not good enough. I’m not strong enough. There’s too much going on here.
I need... I can’t. I’m so sorry.
I failed you.
* * *
I barely slept that night, which was not surprising.
I sobbed for quite a bit throughout the evening. Lane reached back out to me to see if I was okay, but I deleted his text message. I couldn’t even believe I had sent him a smiley face emoji earlier. What was wrong with me?
At least I had been somewhat productive. I had managed to bookmark a few different jobs in other counties in the Southern California region that offered some potential. I didn’t know if any of them would pay as well or suit my interests as well, but the only interest that really mattered to me was Shannon, and I clearly was a failure in that regard.
I knew I had to get out of Springsville, though. This corrupt, violent town had been handed over to the Black Reapers and Fallen Saints. Regardless of how much I had come to realize that the Reapers weren’t all bad people and that Lane was a decent human being, I didn’t want to work for a District Attorney who bent to the whim of the Reapers.
And so it was that when I got to work the next morning, I walked right by my own office, right past Beth’s secretary, and walked in and closed the door.
“Angela?” she said with concern in her voice.
That’s rich. Considering you didn’t seem so concerned when I was threatening to go after your buddies in the club.
“Beth, I’m quitting.”
I stood at the door, arms folded, and glared at her. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing that Beth didn’t dismiss me immediately and instead seemed genuinely surprised, but I was set. I was not going to hang out in this hell hole any longer than I had to. I had to leave as soon as I could, and no amount of persuasion from my boss could change my mind.
Only one thing had brought me here in the first place, and if I could not accomplish that, it didn’t matter what Beth said.
“Why, Angela? What happened?”
What happened? What happened?
I couldn’t fucking contain myself anymore.
“I came here for one reason and one reason only,” I said. “My best friend died a year ago. No charges were ever brought. Do you know how fucking infuriating that is? I took this job to see what I could find out and see if I could bring her a modicum of justice. But you know what I’ve discovered here? I’ve discovered nothing but corruption.”
Beth seemed completely unfazed by what I was saying, which, at that moment, told me I knew everything almost too well.
“You pushed me in the direction of the drug trade, which, fine, I get it, it’s the Fallen Saints, and they cause trouble. Okay, fine. But when I try and bring up the Black Reapers, you refuse to help in any way. In fact, you actively push me away and tell me it’s no big deal. You know full well the Black Reapers cause trouble in this town, and yet you don’t do anything about it. You just let them run amok, maybe with a ‘courtesy arrest’ here and there for DUI or some bullshit. But you let them off the hook for the heavy stuff.”
I sighed as I sought to bring some rationality and calmness to the conversation.
“I’ll admit, the more I look into it, the more I realize that maybe the Reapers weren’t the ones responsible for Shannon Burns’ death. But the fact that I got stood up when I tried to fight for her life is something I can’t ignore, Beth. I’m out. I can’t deal with this. I can’t.”
Tears started to stream down my eyes. Beth stood up and circled the table, and I was shocked to see her eyes welling up too. She opened up her arms in an embrace, and feeling far too much emotion right now, I buried my head into her shoulder, crying.
“I’m a failure, Beth,” I said through sobs. “I haven’t done anything for Shannon. Nothing. I’m a failure.”
“You’re not a failure,” she said softly. She wasn’t crying, but her voice was emotional. “Will you sit for a little bit and let me explain things? If you still want to leave, I’ll understand. But I want you to know everything before you make a choice.”
