And now, as stupid as I knew this sounded, it was as if her spirit had returned through Angela. Of course, Angela was her own person, and of course, Angela still had her serious—and in some ways, legitimate—doubts about me and the Reapers. But I could see how they had been very close growing up. There were shades of Shannon’s personality in Angela.
“I appreciate that,” I said. “I can’t express enough how much Shannon meant to me. She was the one who was going to get me to shift out of the life of the Reapers.”
Angela’s eyes widened.
“I cared about her so much. I was going to marry her, Angela, there was no doubt about that. I love my brothers in the Reapers, and I still do, but the love I had for Shannon was intense, and it was real. If I had to leave the club for the sake of our relationship, that was a risk I was willing to take. But... well, it kills me every day. Every day I wake up, and I hurt like hell. Every day, I wake up and wish I hadn’t been so damn stupid as to do what I did. Every day... I miss her.”
I sighed and stared straight at her, waiting until she looked into my eyes, our eyes locked perfectly.
“Do you understand?”
Angela
Ireally have been looking at you the wrong way this whole time.
Hearing Lane speak about Shannon and how he felt truly solidified for me just how dramatically I had underestimated his love for her. I figured he had “loved” her like teenagers love each other. They might have said they loved each other, but in reality, the only thing I had seen was that they liked each other a lot and probably had some wild sex I preferred not to think about.
But, honestly, I was almost envious of the way he had spoken about her. I had never had any man speak to me in such a fashion, and it hurt me so bad to know that he had been so kind and so good to her... and all I had done was just criticize him and threaten to throw him in jail.
It left me reeling. Shannon hadn’t been forced into anything. Shannon hadn’t been coerced into following his every whim. He had always given her choices and even probably pushed her not to make the choice that would have her affected by the Black Reapers.
I couldn’t believe I was saying this, but Lane seemed like a really good man. Not just a normal guy or a good guy, but a really good guy.
I wasn’t about to let my guard down completely. He could have just as easily been an incredible actor and a sociopath who fooled me, but I didn’t know whether I believed that. When I said that he was good to Shannon, his reaction, though subtle and barely noticeable, was remarkable. It was emotional, a far cry from how he had acted at his own clubhouse.
Shannon had picked well, it seemed. I wasn’t about to say I would never investigate the Black Reapers ever again or give Lane a free pass on all future actions, but I could see the appeal in Lane. If I was being really honest, I might even say I wasn’t having to try to see the appeal in Lane. I was feeling it.
But that was ridiculous and just me letting the stress and the emotions of the day get to me. I didn’t like Lane, not like that. Did I like him more than before? Of course. Did I have the beginnings of feelings for him? No. Not in the slightest.
“Yeah,” I finally said in response to his question, asking if I understood. “Absolutely. I miss her every day. You probably noticed me at her grave a couple of times.”
“I did,” Lane said. “You always wore sunglasses.”
“Because it was sunny out.”
He cocked an eyebrow at me as if to say he didn’t believe me. He had good reason to.
“Okay, because I didn’t want anyone to see how I felt,” I said with a sad smile. “I’m working in the DA’s office now, Lane. I have to be strong. Do you get that?”
“More than you might realize,” he said.
“Right, I can’t show emotion in public. The DA and anyone who represents the office needs to act in accordance with it. Bring things to justice, and don’t let your emotions get in the way of what you are feeling. Funny I should say that since I let my emotions get in the way of things.”
“How so?” Lane asked.
This is not the Lane I expected to run across. The arrogant, aloof Lane, the one who almost tried to flirt with me at the shop... it’s like he’s gone. Something has happened, I bet.
“Nothing that I haven’t told you already. I wanted to see you in jail because I held you responsible, but I never bothered to look past my emotions. The idea that you were the one responsible for her death was an easy thing to grasp onto. You were the ‘bad boy’ she dated, the son of a biker and a biker yourself. Of course, it was easy to say you were responsible for her death, but... I mean, were you really going to leave the club for her?”
By now, I felt like I knew Lane well enough to notice when he was telling the truth and when he was brushing things aside with a cocky or infuriated demeanor. I felt certain, then, that when he nodded, he was telling the full truth.
“I may sound like a broken record, but she was everything for me, Angela,” he said. “Obviously, I’m not leaving the club now. I’m not sure I would even if I found someone to love. They’d have to understand how much the club means to me and how much it’s helping me grow right now. But yeah, for her, at the time? Absolutely.”
I nodded as I felt a certain warmth emanating from within. I only wished I had been able to detach from this case and see Lane for what he was long ago—a man consumed by passion for Shannon, but a man who cared very much about her. There wasn’t a great motive. I’d just let my anger and beliefs about motorcycle clubs and Lane get in the way of the truth.
Some future DA I was, huh?
Well, that was a little self-critical. I knew I’d make a great DA someday. But on this particular case, maybe I wasn’t the one to do the work.
