“Doesn’t make it any easier.”
I blow out a breath. “I can’t stay here.”
“Whaddya mean?” he asks. “Do you want to go for a ride?”
Shaking my head, I run my hand roughly through my hair. “I can’t walk around pretending this never happened and that I’m okay.”
“No one’s as?—”
I hold up my hand. “Everyone’s gonna expect me to be strong for my dad and Paige. You know it, I know it. They don’t have to fucking say it. It’ll be expected of me. But I lost her, too.”
“We all lost her,” Chaos says softly. “Cynthia was important to all of us.”
“She was my fucking mom!” I bellow. “It’s not the fucking same.”
He cocks his brow. “Don’t you think I know that? At least your mom stuck around and was there for you. At least you got to experience her love and support for all these years.”
I deflate. Like a lot of the members who came from broken homes, Chaos’ mother abandoned him and his brother with their father, Eagle, when they were six months old. Mom did what any good woman would. She picked up the pieces of those broken hearts and became their mother figure.
“Sorry,” I mutter.
“Don’t apologize.” He sighs. “I don’t know the right thing to say here.”
“There’s nothing you can say or do to make it better.”
“You’re right,” Chaos concedes. “Why don’t you take some time for yourself? Hit the open road for a while.”
“Then I’d be a selfish asshole,” I say bitterly. “Leaving my dad and Paige to deal with the aftermath alone, without me, while I cruise across the countryside.”
“You can’t keep it all bottled up and not deal with your grief. You’re not doing them any favors by staying here and taking your anger out on them… or us,” he says gently. “Talk to Eagle, go check on the other chapters. Check in with our allies. Hell, go fuck a girl in every state. Just get your head on straight, otherwise you’re no good to anyone.”
“My dad wi?—”
“Hawk will understand,” Chaos reassures. “My dad will make sure of it.”
“What about Paige?” I challenge, not ready to walk away completely.
“We’ll take care of Paige,” he promises. “You’ve been holding them together ever since your mom was diagnosed with cancer, brother. You haven’t processed your own emotions, how the hell are you gonna help them with theirs?”
I keep my thoughts to myself as my mind wanders back to the day we received the horrible news. The treatment didn’t work. I held it together while Paige fell apart. Mom kept a smile on her face the entire time, trying to be brave for all of us while Dad held her in his arms.
“I’ll talk to Eagle in the morning.”
Chaos slaps me on the back. “Good.”
He steps toward the front door to leave me in peace. “Hey Chaos,” I call, and he slowly turns to face me. “Thanks, brother.”
Chaos jerks his chin and heads inside without another word.
He’s right. I need to do this. Question is, will I ever come back?
CHAPTER 1
HOPE
“Large peppermint mocha and chocolate croissant for Hope!”
Pushing my way through the throngs of people to get my order, I tug the strap of my computer bag over my head so it lies crisscross over my chest, making it easier to carry my goodies. After grabbing my latte and pastry, I stand on my tiptoes to find an open table. A sigh of relief escapes when I spot an unoccupied table in the far corner against a window.
