‘I’m sorry, so sorry.’ My heart was breaking. She had buried this truth too. I know where this is going.
‘I crushed her. I killed my baby and only a day later while Kyle and I were still working out what to do, Jess was there, like a gift from heaven. She was the answer to our prayers. We did nothing but love that baby with everything we had.’
I need to keep her talking. ‘I can tell how much you love Rachel. Everyone can.’ What else can I say apart from, let my daughter go? ‘Did you hit me in the cave? It doesn’t matter. I understand why, I just need to know.’ My arms ache to hold Millie in them.
‘Yes, I didn’t know what else to do. I love Rachel. She’s mine and I knew you’d break my family up. I’m sorry. Why did this have to happen? We were happy, we were all happy until you came here.’
Glancing back, I see Damien standing midway along the pier and the police begin to approach. I shake my hand at them. They have to go back or this woman will jump, taking my child with her. They don’t stop and as Mary turns, I see the look of horror on her face as she pulls my little girl into the sea. Screaming, I stare for a moment and all I see is Millie’s red jumper crashing in the waves.
Damien runs up to me, shouting my name but I stand on the pier wall and without hesitation, I throw off Laura’s coat and dive into that sea, ready to die to save my daughter. The swirl drags me in and deep and I feel like my breath has been pulled from my body. The icy fingers of the sea pull me in all directions and I’m blind to my surroundings. With all I have I flap and swim up, but where is up?
Reaching around, I feel my way, trying to grab Millie’s red jumper but I get crashed against the wall and it knocks the wind out of me as I’m thrown under once again. In my mind’s eye, I see Damien and as I close my eyes and succumb to my end, I imagine holding him tight and telling him how sorry I am. I lost this battle, I lost Millie and our baby. I lost my chance to get to know Jess. I love her so much and I’m sorry for being jealous of her. It’s my fault.
Now it’s time to let go. I can’t fight the perilous sea any longer.I’m sorry.
As I’m about to give up, my fingers brush on Millie’s jumper and we reach the surface. My daughter swam with all she had. All the time I spent in the pool teaching her, making her strong, had paid off. She needed me, of course, but she helped herself too but she’s weak now.
I can do this. I’m a swimmer, a lifeguard, a teacher. I doubted myself because of fear but I’ve already faced my worst fears. A rope dangles down. Reaching up, I grab it as I hold Millie. Another wave crashes me against the wall. I take the impact, saving my fragile little girl, then I wrap that rope around her tightly and watch as she gets pulled up.
Steps, I remember passing them as I ran down the pier. I swim with all I’ve got underneath the waves until I think I’m close. With chattering teeth, I stumble onto the first step and see Damien calling me from the top. He runs down and pulls me up the rest of the way. When I reach the top, I lie on my back, a shivering mess staring up at the darkened sky. Rain begins to pelt and I welcome it. I’m alive. I swallow it as it gathers in my mouth and it quenches my thirst in a way water never has before. My salty lips are a reminder of what I’ve been through. Hurrying to sit up, I see that Millie is being wrapped in a foil blanket and led down the pier by a paramedic. Damien helps me stagger to her and when I get there, I wrap my arms around her as we both shiver together.
She’s crying and scared, understandably. If I didn’t have to be strong for her, I’d be sobbing like that too. PC Bickerford meets me with Rosie and my other little girl throws her arms around me.
In the distance, I see my dad standing against the wall of the lifeboat station. He bows his head and turns to leave. Letting go of my girls, I start to run in his direction. He needs to know about Jess. As I reach the station, he turns on his engine and car lights, then he’s gone.
FIFTY-FIVE
KATE
PC Bickerford comes over. ‘Head over to the ambulance. I’ll need you and the little one to get checked out before we speak.’
I wipe the tears from my eye. My father has gone carrying the burden of the blame on his shoulders. I want to call him but my phone doesn’t have any battery. Damien doesn’t have Dad’s number. I have no way of contacting him to tell him about Jess. The moment I knew that Millie was missing, I knew how my father must have felt and I can see why his drinking got worse and why he and Mum lost their zest for life. That could have been Damien and me. I’m thankful that my daughter is safe now.
‘Thank you. Please tell me you found Natalie.’
The PC nods. ‘We found her. She’s been taken to hospital to sleep the tablets off but she’s fine. We’ve also picked up Mary’s husband. He was trying to leave in his other car and he got questioned at the roadblocks. There was an altercation and he was arrested and he did confess to taking you and Natalie, but he’s said no more.’
Damien helped Millie and Rosie into the ambulance and I’m slightly relieved to see both of my girls smiling at the attention.
‘Do you mind if we speak for a moment?’
I can’t stop shivering. She nods to a paramedic who passes me one of those foil blankets. ‘No, I’ll let Millie get all the attention first. I can wait. Did they get Mary out?’
PC Bickerford shakes her head. ‘They’re searching now but given the conditions, I can’t see that she survived.’
I should hate her. She tried to kill my daughter but all I can think about is the accidental death of their own baby, the real Rachel. In the throes of immediate grief, they saw Jess and never looked back. As far as I can see, they’ve never been cruel to Jess. They brought her up well and she seemed happy. I hate what Mary did and what she became, but I wish she were still alive to answer to everything.
‘Can I just reel some things off? I’m a bit fuzzy and I don’t feel that good.’
‘Of course. We can go through everything in more detail when you’ve had a rest and been checked over. Are you sure you’re up to it?’
‘I want to talk. I was hit over the head early this morning outside Natalie’s ice-cream shop, then I was thrown into the boot of a navy-blue Citroen with some sort of sack over my head and then I was forced to drink water that must have been drugged.’
I scrunch my brow as things got hazy for awhile and I’m struggling to recall the order of everything. ‘I was taken to a lock-up. Then the driver came back and parked the car inside. At that point I was gagged and blindfolded but I found a knife and managed to cut the rope around my wrists and ankles.’ I realise how badly my teeth are chattering as the PC tilts her head and squints to make out what I’m saying. ‘The man who trapped me had to be Kyle. Do you want to know their secret? Mary told me.’
‘Yes. We still don’t know why they did what they did. Natalie Thomas was found at the Penroses’ workshop, but she hasn’t spoken to us yet. What did Mary tell you?’
‘Rachel died as a baby. While I was at the end of the pier, Mary said that she rolled onto baby Rachel while she was in their bed. They woke up and Rachel was dead. She and Kyle saw Jess that day when she was left with my father. One of them took her away in the boat immediately, while the other drove around the coast to meet the other. Jess became Rachel and no one ever asked any questions.’ I can’t remember who did what or exactly what Mary said. My thoughts are fuzzy.
